Aside from my impeccably yummy body and those regular microorganisms who decided to stay full time in my unit (like those shrewd bedbugs lurking on my sofa and those relentless mildew inside my comfort room), only now that I noticed that another living thing has been growing in my house.

It’s the old sibuyas (onion) inside my kitchen.  Yeah, that’s how long onions and other persishables stay inside my kitchen.  It is soooo unused that it decided to continue on with its own life.

Upon finding it, I deeply reflected on what to do with it: donate to the Bureau of Plants; stuck it deep in a pot full of soil to enjoy life further inside my house; or, chop it and be part of the ingredients in the pasta sauce I was about to prepare.  I decided to go on option number 3.

Tasty!

Call it memory loss, a senile moment, a tip-of-the-tongue case, a reduction of brain’s gray matter, forgetfulness or simply stupidity, but this morning I had difficulty trying to recall a word that would be appropriate for a statement in a memo that I was writing.

After my meeting in the morning, I rushed to my office to prepare a memo.  I wrote it but the word I want to use for a certain statement was left blank.  I squeezed my brain, took a deep breath, stare at the ceiling, stretched my arms, popped my knuckles, bit my fingernails but still the specific single unit of language I wanted to use failed to enter my head.  I try to fill the blank with other words synonymous to it but I was not satisfied.

Lunch time arrived, the memo was left unfinished due to this elusive word.  Some nutritionists believe that  glucose from carbohydrates fuels the brain that is why those geeks on South Beach Diet would always feel stupendously brain-dead.   Due to this, I  decided to have a hearty meal with lots of carbohydrates hoping that the carbo nutrients would digest soonest and goes immediately to my prosencephalon.

After lunch I head back to my office, talk to couple of employees, did my calls for the day, interview number of applicants, wrote other memos, do other significant office stuffs but still the baffling word fail to pop out from my forehead down to my medulla oblongata making the memo left unfinished.

I could have utilized another word but I just don’t want to give up.  Until suddenly and out of nowhere, like a light-bulb moment, it just popped out of my wits.  The word is EXPEDITE.

Wow ang babaw!

In one of those beauty pageants in the province, host asks contestant…

Host: So Miss, what’s your motto?
Contestant: Uhhh, “unto-unto others, unto-unto you…”

Thanks to the internet.  I finally read the full text of the ads/article that was recently placed and/or published by Antonio Cajilpo Go in Philippine Daily Inquirer.

The ads discussed and enumerated the conceptual, factual and language errors in the textbooks of Pinoy public elementary schools.  These textbooks are considered instructional materials approved by the Department of Education.

I am not very good in the use of the English language but I had odd moods when I read the errors.  It was super funny but very disheartening.  It is so depressing to read all these boo-boos that the new breed Pinoys will be learning and needs to be unlearned later in life.  I totally agree with Mr. Go by saying that these mistakes need to be corrected since its killing Philippine education slowly but surely.

Some of the hilarious mistakes indicated were:

The typhoon is moving in a northeasternly direction.

Some plants are self-planters.  They plant their own seeds.

Life is the fast rising of the sun that shines on the earth which goes around it fast. Life is the late realization that life is gone and we discover it late.

I’m capable of being the best me I can.

Do animals move only when the wind blows? What animals don’t move when there is no wind but move when the wind blows?

“Here’s for you!” the guard said while hitting Basilio.  Sisa’s husband was different from most husbands who are responsible to their families.

Galileo invented a magnifying telescope to study the moon.

The farmer is hopeful that someday he will reap with joy.  He put up a scarecrow to send the birds away.

Not all mountains are made by wrinkles in the ground.

Fishing means catching all kinds of living animals in the water like oysters and clams.

Open door on back of camera, place film and close camera door.

The hen walked coquetly.

The chicken was dressed.  They stripped off her feathers, served her quite bare and everyone poked at her breast.

“I don’t eat meat, I’m not a carnival!” – Melanie Marquez

I’m twisted.  There are things a regular person knows that I don’t.  Riding a bicycle is one of those.  Yes… it’s true… di ako marunong mag-bisikleta.  My older brothers when I was still a kid own a bike but I never had the interest of learning how to drive it.  I was always at the backseat and never the driver.

I remember a nasty and an embarrassing moment when I was in college.  Me and my college classmates went to CCP grounds to hangout.  Everyone rented a bike except me.  Here comes one of my best friends in college Marie Dela Victoria (now in the US living a full life) who volunteered on teaching me how.  While riding it with Marie running and patiently holding the back of the seat making sure that I be steady and wont fall, here comes a school bus full of wicked little kids in grade school with their little heads out of the bus’ window.  While nervously struggling with the pedals and trying to balance the damn bike we suddenly heard these kids shouting at us… "Ang laki-laki mo na ‘di ka pa marunong mag bike!!!"

Nowadays, I always brush aside the stationary bike at the gym.

Churva (tsur-vhah) is a Pinoy noun (or can be a verb) which means something that can’t be adequately expressed in words.  It is also a word that can be used in all aspects.  It is an utterance when a person can’t seem to find the right word out of being speechless, out of being maarte (speaking with affectations) or out of simply being stupid.  This word when conjugated would be: chinurva, chumurva, chuchurva, chuchurvahin.

Using this word has its advantages.  It can be an alternative expression to use instead of those bad words you don’t want to utter.  It can be fun using this word, adding more spice to friendly conversations.

At the same time it has its disadvantages.  When overused, it limits a person’s mental faculty and restricts the development of vocabulary.  Also, it can be a source of misunderstanding, the speaker may mean something else but the listener may conclude otherwise.

Just imagine our popular pinoy salawikain (proverbs) utilizing this word…

            Nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa churva ang gawa

            Aanhin pa ang damo kung chinurva ang kabayo

            Kung ano ang itinanim iyon din ang chuchurvahin

            Ang chumurva ng matulin, kung matinik ay malalim

            May tenga ang lupa may churva ang balita

But do you know that Churva is a place in sardonic Russia?  It is a place situated in Ust-Tsilemskiy rayon, Republic of Komi in Russia.  It is also a ruined building or place of meeting for Jewish worship on the Old Holy City of Jerusalem.

Wala lang… churva lang…

The last five days has been great! Walang pasok (translation: no work).

Today I am in a lazy catatonic state. Today, I reported late in the office. Today, I interviewed seven student-trainee applicants for the training center that I work with. Today, I prepared several memoranda to employees and restaurant outlets that I work at. Today, I had lunch with the Financial Comptroller and Operations Manager. Today, I had a meeting with a Swiss guy who is a wine connoisseur. Today, I had several phone calls from our Cebu restaurants that I attended to. Today, I prepared my agenda for tomorrow’s meeting. Today, I talked to my agent about the 2 units of columbarium I have purchased. Today, I went home early. Today is a not so busy day. Today, I am still in vacation mode after a 5-day holiday.

I wonder if there is a job out there which only requires the employees to sleep all day. If there would be one… I would be the first person to apply! Zzzzz…

You are The Sun

Happiness, Content, Joy.

The meanings for the Sun are fairly simple and consistent.

Young, healthy, new, fresh. The brain is working, things that were muddled come clear, everything falls into place, and everything seems to go your way.

The Sun is ruled by the Sun, of course. This is the light that comes after the long dark night, Apollo to the Moon’s Diana. A positive card, it promises you your day in the sun. Glory, gain, triumph, pleasure, truth, success. As the moon symbolized inspiration from the unconscious, from dreams, this card symbolizes discoveries made fully consciousness and wide awake. You have an understanding and enjoyment of science and math, beautifully constructed music, carefully reasoned philosophy. It is a card of intellect, clarity of mind, and feelings of youthful energy.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Robinsons Place Ermita with its present form is my preferred mall in the metro.  It’s not too small and not too massive for its size.  Its typical dimension is a jimdandy compared to other shopping complexes.  Everything in it seems easily accessible with just a few steps away.

I don’t know why but I must admit I always spend more in this mall compared to other shopping centers in the metropolis.  The selection of shops (from low to high end) is also fine for my taste.

However, no matter how foolish it may be, I always find it hard to buy clothes inside the Robinsons department store because it gives me jitters every time I imagine myself using their fitting room.  Maybe it is for the reason that I was so damn affected by the silly urban legend that thrived during my teenage years.  Let me refresh everybody’s mental faculty of retention on this…

I was made to believe that Robina Gokongwei the daughter of the Robinsons business tycoon has a twin, a humongous reptile, whose hideout is located under the said shopping center.  It is believed that when it’s time to feed the snake, a trapdoor opens in one of the fitting rooms of the store, sending one ill-fated customer down through a labyrinth of cylinder pipeline and into the snake-pit.  It is believed that the serpent lurks inside the Robinsons mall and would even be transported from one branch to the next so as to relegate the news on missing people.  One funny story flourished disclosing that Alice Dixon a popular actress in the late 80’s was in the said fitting room at the wrong time.  Lucky for her, the serpent was dumbfounded by her beauty that it decided to set her free. O baka naman na-uta sa ganda nya!?

I know I’m irresistibly delicious that people wanna eat me, but I don’t wanna be munched this way… Ngek!

Election season is on!  Senate race is heating up! This early, Pinoys are contemplating on whom are they going to vote when they exercise their right to suffrage come election date.  For me, I have yet to list down my selected candidates for the senate.  But for sure the following candidates will have difficulty to be included in my list:

1. Trapos (traditional politicians) vying for reelection.  These politicians have gone surprisingly rich during their term in the government and no way would I allow them to get richer.  Besides, some candidates wanting to be reelected are already geriatric cases who rarely spend a day in their respective offices.  Enough with the trapos please.

2. Kin of politicians.  These are candidates who would ride along the popularity of their names and their relatives.  I simply abhor political dynasties!

It’s creepy to imagine if these dynasties will be elected in the senate.  It’s like four families controlling the lives of 90 million Pinoys:

Pia Cayetano and her brother Alan Peter Cayetano

Tessie Oreta Aquino and her nephew Noynoy Aquino

Loi Ejercito and son Jinggoy Estrada with half-brother JV Ejercito

Nene Pimentel and son Koko Pimentel

3. Showbiz personalities. You don’t need to be a whiz kid to know that acting on movies and being a news anchor on TV are totally different from the demands of public service and/or writing a law. 

Until now, I can’t still stomach the fact that “saling-pusa” Lito Lapid and the playboy Bong Revilla are senators.  Former senator and now vice-president Noli De Castro could not even pronounce the word “special” correctly considering that he was a news anchor.  He would pronounce it as “espeyshal”.  It gives me goose bumps to envision brainless arrogant Senator Richard Gomez having a scuffle with the equally dim-witted Senator Jinggoy Estrada inside the senate house!  Yikes!

If these folks are elected, I guess we are… 

You probably heard the news that Shilpa Shetty, the pretty Bollywood actress has been discriminated a number of times in Britain’s Big Brother Celebrity edition TV Program.  She has received downright bitchy and racially pejorative remarks from her housemates.

Some of the discriminating remarks were:

• British celebrity housemates speculates that Shilpa, who has starred in more than 40 Bollywood films, was a "fake" celebrity planted in the house
• Shilpa has been called a "dog" by one of the housemates and some complained about her touching their food
• A female housemate (a former singer from the campy pop band S Club 7) mentioned that Indians were thin because they were always ill as a result of undercooking their food
• Another British housemate said that Shilpa should have stayed in Bollywood and she would love to squeeze Shilpa’s neck until the eyes pops out.

We Filipinos loved the local Big Brother series in the Philippines but we should never allow this to happen to our Asian brothers trying to live a life in a western country.  Indians as a form of their protest have burned effigies of the British flag or the Big Brother logo in public.  But what about us Pinoys?  How are we going to protest against these racist acts towards our fellow Asian without the Britons ever knowing it?  Here’s a suggestion…

Pinoy domestic helpers are everywhere around the world.  They have been domestic helpers and nannies to the children of international corporate moguls, oil magnates and royal families.  We Pinoys are no longer amazed when a young prince or a son of a European President has a Visayan accent when he speaks English since he learned this from his Visayan nanny.  Pinoy domestic helpers can actually be the principal weapon of the Philippines towards world domination.  Tomorrow’s world leaders for sure will grow up with a Pinay nanny and house helpers.

Therefore, as a form of opposition and disproval to these messy racist deeds by Britons, I would like to call on all the ever reliable Pinay domestic helpers serving in British households to put a lot of vetsin (monosodium glutamate – the unhealthy wonder powder) in the food of their masters.  In this way, Britons would love, appreciate and enjoy the Pinoy’s prepared dish without them knowing that the food is already a bit noxious.  Maybe and hopefully, the vetsin in each of Briton’s body system can bring them to their wise senses.

Suggestion lang naman… kainis kasi…