Due to the deteriorating English communication skills of Pinoy folks, it has been a prevalent joke in the Philippines that people would suffer from nosebleed if they hear other individuals speak in straight grammatically correct English language.
Via text messages, millions of pesos have been spent by Pinoy mortals who enjoys sharing the impressive verbal ability of Inday (“the exceptional maid”). Reading the brilliant thoughts and expressions that gifted Inday makes has been very enjoyable. Thanks to all who sent me these crazy text messages in my cell phone. It surely put a smile on my face. Nowadays, it has been a popular practice in the country to send and share these funny messages to friends.
Here are the accumulated text messages I received for the past months regarding Inday’s outstanding knack on English communication that surely made a lot of people to suffer from “nosebleed”.
Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!
Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occured wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.
Amo: Inday! Bakit maalat ang ulam?!
Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.
Amo: Inday! Bakit may bukol si Junior?!
Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural desgn of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy’s cranium with slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ
Amo: Inday! Bakit nasunog ang sinaing?!
Inday: Heavy fire that exerted by the stimulus affect the best conductor of heat which is steel, causing the “oriza sativa” which is the scientific name for rice to change its state of color, smell as well as taste.
Amo: Inday! Bakit walang kangkong ang sinigang?!
Inday: Ipomea Aquatica has become the constant ingredient to this Filipino delicacy which is very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic process of the food we take. Due to the continuous rains and floods, the harvest of the said vegetable has lessen the production in the market.
Amo: Inday!? Bakit may rashes si Junior?!
Inday: Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs to the reaction site and release of chemotactic and anaphylotoxin including histamine and ostaglandins. These substances results to increase circulation to the site promoting redness.
Amo: Inday! Bakit eto na lang ang sukli sa pinamalengke mo?!
Inday: Higher stock index and the low flow of investment triggered the inflation of prices, thus, the purchasing power of peso is weak
“Off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such unabashed display of vagrant destitution!”
— si Inday, pinapaalis ang makulit na pulubi sa gate (Taray talaga ni Inday!)
“Attached herewith is a list of proposed acquisition in line with my proposal to upgrade your household facilities. I have already made initial survey of current market prices. Note however that prices could vary depending on the prevailing exchange rate and aggregate supply and demand which we also monitor on an hourly basis.
— si Inday, nagpapaalam para mamalengke
“Much as I want to indulge in the proliferation of such indecent and malicious information, I want to lift the stigma and alleviate society’s perception of our profession.”
— si Inday, tumangging makipagtsismisan sa katulong sa kabilang bahay
Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital nanay mo, dumugo ang ilong kababasa ng pesteng sulat mo!
Klasik ka Inday!
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