I have read in a novel by Dan Brown entitled Deception Point that sea creatures served on our tables like shrimps, lobsters and crabs are closely related to land insects.  They belong in the same phylum arthropoda.  Actually, some scientists would consider these sea creatures as the insects of the sea.

In our generation, due to the shortage of food, various delicacies were developed so as to fill the empty stomachs of billions of people around the world.  Here in the Philippines it is now common that crickets and other similar land insects are served on our table, in which, these organisms start to get rare to the point of extinction due to humongous demands.

Let me guess that in due time, because of world hunger, I would not be surprised that other more common land arthropods around us will be eaten by the common people.  Let me suggest one good dish with a common and easy-to-generate arthropod with lots of benefits.

What about Ginatang Kuto (head lice in coconut milk)?  The main ingredient can be harvested from the sour smelling heads of the street children.  This may actually be one of the solutions to alleviate poverty.  Parents of these children would have lower water bills for they don’t have to wash their children’s hair so as to increase yield production of kuto.  At the same time they could save a lot on their daily shampoo expense.

Also, parents and grandparents can spend more time productively in other chores that can actually increase earnings (like cooking, selling or marketing the dish) because they need not spend their time on “hinguto sessions”.  Remember during our childhood days, our retired grandparents (mine was my lovely Lola Teray) would call us in the middle of a sunny afternoon when all of us kids were busy playing in the streets?  They would grab us firmly by our arm and would concentrate on our heads so as to start their scalp exploration and kuto hunting.  Mine was usually held at the stairs of my Lola Teray’s house.  I would sit a step lower than hers do that she could strategically locate thse mind-boggling kutos.

I wonder who on earth invented suyod!  Thanks to the ever reliable suyod – a specially made comb used to sweep away kuto from the scalp to hair ends – for this will be the device to use when harvesting the elusive arthropod.  This device will also perk-up the industry of suyod-making since there will be big demand in the market for the said hunting device.  Those employees affected by the closure of microchip factories due to economic breakdown can be transferred and assigned in the industrial plants who manufacture suyod, thus, generating more jobs in the country.

However, this new trade may cause for the parents to securely fasten their kids on the main post of their respective houses because there exist a common Pinoy belief that children with lots of kuto will be carried away on air and will be dropped to the mouth of the nearest volcano.

Nowt: di pwede sa mga bedyetaryan…

Ever wonder how topics stem-out and progress when you dine with your friends? It’s distinctly dissimilar to a business meeting where a formal agenda is prepared prior to conversation. The dynamics of conversation with friends is so fluid and surprisingly astonishing, it develops richer and deeper bond no matter how deep or shallow the subject being discussed. Every time our friend Joesel visits Manila, as much as possible we never fail to catch-up along with “friendship” Karen and Baby. Our wacky dinner last Saturday became more exceptional because Denton (the Australia-based boyfriend of Karen and our “usual tour-mate”) was with us. Here’s some short extracts of the things we chatted about to validate how fluid friendship conversations are…

Baby: Ano ready na ba ang wardrobe mo sa pag-ninong mo sa kasal?

Joesel: Yeah, ready na sya.

Karen: Ready na ang barong na may pop-up sleeves na mas mataas pa sa ulo

Neil: Wow! Naka-balintawak ang lola mo.

Joesel: Yung Ikakasal, short relationship lang yet they decided to get married

Karen: So ‘di pa masyadong magkakilala?

Joesel: Kimunusta ko sa ate ko yung lalaki.

Neil: Eh ano daw ang kilatis?

Joesel: Ayun, mukha daw mabait kasi mapula ang gilagid.

* * * * *

Karen: Katuwaan! Ano kaya kung kunin kitang ninang sa kasal ko?

Neil: That’s gonna be first. Imagine you will be the first ninang ever.

Karen: Sige na. Katuwaan lang.

Joesel: Bakit kelan ba kayo kakasal ni Denton?

Karen: Baka next year, 2010.

Denton: Sa Australia ha.

Karen: Ayoko dun, dapat dito.

Denton: Isa sa Australia. Tapos dito din.

Neil: Sige Joesel. Go! Pangalan ni Hilarry Clit ang nakasulat sa invitation.

Baby: Tapos mag gown si Joesel with matching hair extension

Neil: Ngek. Baka di sya papasukin sa simbahan.

Karen: Di naman malalaman na lalaki si Hillary.

* * * * *

Joesel: Yung brother-in-law ko kakasal naman next year

Karen: Bakit nakapag babang luksa na ba sya?

Joesel: Oo, next year pwede na. Ikakasal sya sa prinsesa.

Karen: Nakaupo sa tasa.

Joesel: Sila yung may-ari dati ng taniman ng Dole. Yung pinya.

Karen: Ah prinsesa ng pinyahan

Neil: Hinde. Prinsesa nakaupo sa pinya.

Baby: Ay, ang sakit nun. Tusok-tusok.

Ang bababaw talaga namin. As da seying gows… Syalow pipol ar hapiyer pipol.

Ever since I have been writing this blog my friends, relatives and even some anonymous people who accidentally came acroos my blog have been telling me comments and messages that they have been enjoying and were looking forward to reading what I would write about next.  On my part, I have been very flattered about the positive responses that I have been receiving.  For those who hate it, sorry for the inconvenience but I don’t have the intent yet of stopping this ridiculous writing.

Usually, my brain would just pop up an idea that I would write about (anything under the silly wicked sun).  But it has not been functioning lately.  Maybe it is because of too much fatty food I consumed during the holidays.  For the past few days I must admit that I have been experiencing a huge brain fart that I would not know what to write about to make this blog more interesting.

Sori pero medyo malakas ang utot ng utak ko ngayon…

It’s new year and every body is anxious on what lies ahead.  People are actually seeking aid from feng shui experts, fortune tellers, astrologers, mystics and clairvoyants.  For the business minded, their time has been dissipated contemplating on what business to put up in the year of the Ox.  Here’s a suggestion.  Why not put up a business of buy-&-sell?

What to buy and what to sell?  Answer: those gifts, presents and souvenirs given but left behind by exes.  Obviously, these items no longer have any significance, meaning or worth for it is only a reminder of an awful relationship that never worked.  For sure disheartened owners would sell it at a very low price just to get rid of it.

Where to buy these items?  Answers: (1) You can go to various law offices that specialize on marriage annulments.  Evidently, their clients had a terrible married life that they would want to get rid of any souvenir in their possession at any given price.  (2) You can go to psychologists and/or marriage counselors.  Like the law offices, their clients would want to trash out bad memories both non-tangible and tangible ones.  (3) You can go to various coffee shops and restaurants and wait for unfaithful couples fighting in public.  Sometimes you can get the item for free.  Just wait for the fuming lady to throw her ring or bracelet or necklace towards her lover before running away leaving the scene.  Obviously, the guy would not have the time to pick up the cherished trinket for he will straight away run after his lady to explain.  Just wait and discreetly pick the precious jewelry.  (4)  You can go to different bridges in the metro.  If you are lucky, you could bump into a suicidal person who has plans of jumping over the bridge because he or she has been dumped by his or her partner.  Just make sure to do the necessary and immediate negotiation of buying the gifts they received before letting them jump over the bridge.  Otherwise, you would have to jump along with the freaky broken hearted folks to chase the precious gifts they received from their exes.

How to sell?  Answers: (1) You can negotiate with various antique shops in Malate to sell your products on a concession basis.  Antique shops for sure would love to hear the interesting stories behind these items.  (2) You can join expos and various bazaars where you can sell these items.  For a more catchy name you can call your booth the Biak Na Pag-asa booth.  (3) You can create a website where you can feature your products.  Interested buyers can either purchase or bid for an auction you bought obviously at a higher price when you procured them but of a lesser price if purchased in different boutiques, jewelry shops or department stores.  You can name the website as www.sawi.com.ph.  For an added feature, make sure to have a free delivery service.

Gud lak sa bago mong bisnes.  Kikita ka, chak ‘yon!

a view from my window

I never knew that rainbow still appear in polluted Metro Manila.  Early morning today after a short rainfall, I looked out my window and saw a fast fading rainbow.

It put a smile on my face and made me hum to the tune of Kermit The Frog’s song “The Rainbow Connection” while having my shower.  I presumed that this is a lovely sign from heaven for a beautiful day ahead.

While preparing my breakfast I wondered how come the Tagalog word for rainbow is “bahaghari”?  Bahaghari when translated in English means king’s g-string.  Imagine?  That would be a very colorful yet sexy undies for a king.

Also, according to western belief there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  Therefore in Tagalog if the king wears a colorful g-string, what then is at the end of it?  It’s not a pot of gold definitely but two hanging balls! Hahaha!

O sha! O sha! Ang aga aga.  Itlog at hotdog pa naman ang breakfast ko.

In less than a month from now, I would be a year older.  At my mature age, I swear that I would no longer think of how the others would see me as a person.  As long as I am happy and know that I would enjoy anything or any circumstance that I would come in contact with, I would go for it.  No soul can stop me from doing or achieving whatever I want.  I am empowered.

Think free! These are the two powerful words that I actually saw flashing inside my head in bold psychedelic blinking colored lights while I am writing this article.

Why do we always have to seek everybody else’s approval for almost anything?  Who cares about what the rest of the world thinks?  “Be what you want to be” is a first-rate faculty! Thinking of how others would think of me is so 10,000 seasons ago.

O ‘di ba?! Ang lalim…

I seldomly got the chance to watch Iisa Pa Lamang teleserye.  But when I do, I must admit I enjoy watching it not because of the lead stars acting, not because of the story, not because of anything else but Isadora (Cherry Pie Picache’s role/character).  I am not the type who would watch the show fully stumped on the television for I would do other things when the TV is on.  However, every time its Isadora’s turn to speak, I would stop on whatever I am doing and would superglue my senses to the boobtube to watch and listen to her.

I like Isadora for she is brilliantly scheming.  She could get away with anything.  Isadora chose to be evil and she’s doing a great job being one.  I like Isadora for she is smart.  Every line that would come out of her mouth is full of sting with shrewd manipulations which only shows how stupid the other characters are.  I like Isadora for she is funny.  If you would not take her seriously, she is actually comic and hilarious.  She would always give me a good laugh every time she would shock and scare her nemesis with her witty expressions and counter attacks.

If you combine all Hollywood and Pinoy evil characters, it would come out nothing but a juvenile scare if compared to her.  Isadora does not need to transform her physical features into something petrifying to terrify a person – like grow fangs, raise messy hairs, drool green slimes, cut herself into two, turn her head 360 degrees, etc.  She does not need to use armaments (guns, grenades, bombs, etc) not do “orasyon” (magic spells) or “kulam” (witchcraft) to terrorize those people who would try to get into her wicked ways.  All she needs to do is speak to scare the wits out of you.

I like Isadora.  She is evil.  She is heinous.  She is immoral.

Iboto si Isadora para Presidente!

I always wonder what it would be like in the future.  Would I be richer, more delicious with young looking skin, more fun to be with, possess all things I want to have, meet all the people I want to chance upon and visit all the places I want to see?  I officially miss Manang Bola the luquacious forgetful fortune teller of Batibot (the Pinoy counterpart of Sesame Street).

Now that I am older, I have enough resources to go to her, talk to her and would inquire on how life will be in the future.  But she is nowhere to be found.  We would have to refer to her notorious Perlas Na Bilog about my exciting future.  Now that Manang Bola is nowhere to be found, I wonder if she discerned through her crystal ball that one day she will be out of the limelight.

Perlas na bilog hwag tutulog-tulog, sabihin sa akin ang sagot. Ba be bi bo bu…

I don’t remember when was the first time I ever stepped on and rode an escalator.  The longest escalator I have ever ridden is the one in Ocean Park in Hong Kong.  While the fastest that I have been to are the ones in Singapore leading to the coaches of their metro train.  The most crowded is the one in MRT Taft station while the slimmest is the one in Robinson’s Ermita, each flight of step can only accommodate one slim person.

While in Australia, I learned an escalator etiquette.  Thanks to Josel Javier viuda de Ledger he thought me to always stay at the left side of the stairs.  He explained that the right side must not be blocked and should always be open to serve as an overtake passage way for those who are in a hurry.

With modern technology thriving nowadays, I have yet to see a spiral type of escalator.  This could be pretty fun among kids who considers escalators as a kiddie cool ride.

However, the term escalator seems to be a misnomer for a conveyor transport device moving up or down.  It is from the root word “escalate” meaning to go up, to rise or to soar high.  Escalator being a name for a stairs going up is fine and okay.  But what about the escalator going down, isn’t it supposed to be called a “descalator”?

Anong Tagalog sa escaltor? Answer: Hagdang Sosyal