About heavenliner

a twisted little soul... people see me to be so delicious they sometimes want to eat me...

Huong Lai Gave Me Odorless Flatulence

Posted on August 14, 2013 by heavenliner

It has always been my bizarre desire that my fart would smell like a freshly baked vanilla cupcake. However, considering the obtuse and thoughtless diet that I have, this impossible dream is so very unlikely to happen. The smell of my fart will forever be a stink that can cause global catastrophe.

However, the smell of my digestive gas has considerably improved last weekend during the few days of my stay in Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam. This improvement can be attributed to the type of local food served in Vietnam. It’s usually fresh greens, garden crops, fresh greens, edible parts of plants like seeds, flowers, stalks and more fresh greens. Did I already say fresh greens??? Meats are included in their dishes but only at a very minimal amount. Because of this, the generated gas from my stomach and intestines has gone odorless.

Don’t get me wrong about Vietnamese food. I happen to get to like them especially the food I and my trip-mates ate when we dined at a rustic-countrified-looking restaurant which serves home-style Vietnamese cuisine. It is called Huong Lai, a little gem of a restaurant located along Ly Tu Trong Street in District 1, Ho Chi Minh.

huong lai’s facade (simple yet once you entered you will be treated to a great gastronomic adventure)

the eggplant was superb!!! an uncomplicated dish yet with heavenly flavor.

minimalist and unfussy interiors…

i was particularly surprised by the taste, temperature and texture of this purple yam soup. super yummy!!!

though philippines has better tasting leche flan, it was my first time to taste longan fruit ice cream. i was raving about it. it was also my first time to see sweetened mung bean soup (minatamis na munggo) served as a dessert in a restaurant.

I love this restaurant!!! It’s façade and interiors were simple and non-imposing yet the dishes they serve were borderline orgasmic and heavenly delicious. The flavors and textures were elegantly gentle and light. At the end of the meal all of us were simply raving about the dishes and was left charmed by the home-style Vietnamese cooking of Huong Lai. It definitely was worth the visit!

Puro gulay ang tsibog sa Biyetnam kaya walang amoy ang utot ko! Hahaha!

Epic Pornographic Fail

Posted on August 4, 2013 by heavenliner

porno

When the movie suddenly stopped and reeled on the credits, I felt blunt. The people in front of me were already standing up and leading their way out of – CCP’s Tangahalang Huseng Batute – theatre, but I was still seating there trying to absorb and figure out what I just saw.

That is what I exactly felt when I saw the Cinemalaya 2013 Directors Showcase category entry entitled Porno. I don’t know who or what was blunt. I don’t know if I was the one who was so stupid I did not get what the movie wish to impart or if it was the movie that was simply dull and dreary it should be considered an epic fail.

I guess the director’s failure to string together the engaging tales of the three main characters was deliberate. The failure to interconnect the key characters with each other in the film is typical of a real porn movie. And I hate porn movies because of this usual and seemingly incoherent plot. I can therefore say that I similarly hate this movie because of this.

With the excellent actors in Porno, the movie had its greatest potential to be one excellent film. Rosanna Roces, Yul Servo, Angel Aquino and even the short stint of Bembol Rocco were effectively compelling. Carlo Aquino only confirms that he is one great actor of his generation. When his tale being a porn dubber by profession ended in the movie, I was still yearning that his character would pop out in the end. If the writer and director effectively interlocked and inter-related the stories of the 3 characters, I would definitely have raves about the film.

But the movie as it is was like watching three slurring short films that were not connected with each other at all. For me I’d rather watch the corny and clichéd yet entertaining Shake, Rattle & Roll franchise trilogies of Regal Films than watching an incoherent movie like Porno.

Epic peyl…

“Nuwebe” Inside The Sleep Cave

Posted on August 4, 2013 by heavenliner

CCP Little Theater

For me, few of the most sleep-inducing places on earth are the theaters of the Cultural Center of the Philippines (CCP). It has autumn-like indoor temperature that makes you want to hibernate. It also have super soft comfy seats, an easy-to-the-ear acoustics as well as relaxing lighting facilities which would make you drift off faster. It is one big sleep cave!!

Therefore, if I watch a show in CCP it needs to be very good, interesting, entertaining and/or thought provoking for me to stay awake.

nuwebe

With this thought, I actually almost fell asleep while I was watching the Cinemalaya 2013 New Breed entry entitled Nuwebe. It has an interesting plot but the director seemed to have missed on how to impart and expound on the attention-grabbing material. It was a lame creation. Some loopholes of the movie were actually being laughed at by the audience. The only redeeming quality of the movie was the superb acting by the lead character played by Jake Cuenca.

I was about to fall asleep when credits at the end of the film started rolling. I did not clap my hands and I simply stepped out of the CCP theatre… silently snoring.

Kaantok… Zzzz…

Bustling Bus-less Busted Manila

Posted on July 28, 2013 by heavenliner

city buses around the metro

I am a daily witness to the decaying City of Manila through the swarming and infestation of mendicants and homeless people on its streets as well as the unforgiving traffic jam you would encounter daily. Going to your destination via roads of City of Manila would agonizingly be delayed because of traffic. I am so sure that the speed of rumor is faster than the speed of your car’s speedometer when you are to drive on the streets of Manila.

But guess what? Last Friday it only took me 30 minutes to go to Manila Post Office building from my office in Malate to get a personal parcel then back. Within that 30-minute period, I was even able to shoot a few photos of the iconic Manila Post Office building. Going right at the center of City of Manila was a breeze. This is because of the new local government’s tightfisted drive and stingy ordinance of no longer allowing bedlam-causing buses in the city.

inside the majestic facade of manila post office

the soon-to-be-extinct profession

To further substantiate this surprising development, when I and my family went yesterday up north to Manaoag, Pangasinan, we decided to pass through the City of Manila. We passed the often-vehicle-filled Roxas Boulevard, the panic-infusing Lawton area, the traffic-choke-point Quiapo, the chaotic jumble streets of Dimasalang, Dangwa and La Loma. To our amazement, we were out of Manila and reached the north express way in less than 30 minutes.

Still further, when we came back to Metro Manila later in the day, we decided to pass through the often-dreadful and jaywalker-infested Taft Avenue. And still, we passed through Taft Avenue with so much ease. My sister could not contain herself and asked how much buses were eliminated for such a road to move vehicles at an unexpectedly speedy pace.

This truly is a very welcome development. Congratulations to the new City Mayor Joseph ‘Erap’ Estrada and his Vice-Mayor Isko Moreno for growing some balls in disallowing those monstrous buses in the city.

May pramis… Pramis…

Casssaaavvvaaa Caaakkkeee

Posted on July 20, 2013 by heavenliner

Tasting for the first time the best cassava cake in the universe was so out of place. It is so odd and strange that I was able to experience such an enormous gastronomic pleasure while in a wake.

This was roughly about a month ago when I and my workmates paid a visit and express our condolences to a co-employee whose dad passed away. The wake was in the provincial town of Magalang in Pampanga. While in the wake, we were served with knickknacks and refreshments including boxes of freshly baked cassava cakes.

When I go to a wake, I would traditionally just nibble on salty chips and snacks (like the all-time favorite burol-snack: Butong Pakwan) which is usually served in a Filipino memorial service. I rarely eat and munch on main meals while in a wake. But when we were served with the mouth-watering and sinful looking cassava cake, I broke my own personal tradition. I simply helped myself to a bite of rich taste of perfection.

That cassava cake had the seamless velvety texture mixed with the perfect harmony of flavors. Good thing I was able to control myself because I wanted to clap my hands, celebrate the happy moment and jump for joy due to the enormous palatal experience I just had.

ralo’s cassava cake. fattening? yes… but such a small price to pay for pleasure

Yesterday, I had the chance to go again in Magalang, Pampanga for an official business. I thought I have forgotten the great gastronomic experience but I was dead wrong. The search for the same experience I had was on! It is no longer the mere experience of great texture and flavor but more of a lingering voice engraved on my mind.

Like some curious addiction, I texted my co-employee and inquired where in Magalang did they bought the cassava cake his family served during his father’s wake. He messaged back telling me the spot somewhere in Angeles, Pampanga. And, after doing some office-required stuff in Magalang, I asked the driver to bring me to Ralo’s where these rich cakes can be purchased.

we were laughing when we tried reading "Sooobbbrrraaanngg Saaaaaarrrrrrapppp" on their sign board.

we were laughing when we tried reading “Sssooobbbrrraanngg Sssaaaarrrrapppp” on their sign board.

I bought two large boxes! I was so happy I even bought and treated the driver and my co-workers with their own box of this cassava cake.

Warning though for those who bumped onto this post and gets curious about this cake, be careful. Because once you’re hooked all of your senses and even your soul will never be able to forget its rich taste of perfection. Kasi nga… Soooobrang Sarrrraaaap!!!

Uulitin kooo… sooobbbrrraaang sarrraaappp!!!

Lego House

Posted on July 19, 2013 by heavenliner

I know there’s a lot of going on in the world and despite this I waste a significant amount of life on YouTube. And on YouTube is where I discovered Ed Sheeran along with his beautiful song entitled Lego House…

Though showed-up and only seen at 3:30 in the video, Ed Sheeran for me is far too beautiful. Like far, like damn far!

Ameysing kanta!

Ping An Gave Me Goosebumps Surplus

Posted on July 14, 2013 by heavenliner

Last year, there was a big mistake that the Chinese populace made. They failed to choose Ping An as their last year’s winner of “The Voice China”. They settled for a singer with mediocre vocal skills with above average panache. It was like China settled for a grape juice when an expensive wine is very much available.

Watch and listen to China’s best singer and experience goosebumps surplus from Ping An.

Ganyan din boses ko aktwali.

Superman Ceased Wearing Briefs While A New Superhero Wears Panties

Posted on July 7, 2013 by heavenliner

I’m a bit disappointed when I saw on screen the changes in the Superman costume. He has gone commando (sort of) and no longer wears with those red little briefs. But with or without the red underwear, the Man of Steel will always be my favorite superhero.

But wait. In the midst of giving up the red briefs by the western-made superhero, a new superhero emerges from the other side of the planet. He’s Hentai Kamen. The eastern-made forbidden superhero! He’s not wearing briefs but a pair of panties.

Unlike the old-fashioned and non-sense red briefs of the Superman, the panties for this Japanese superhero, I guess, would be very essential. Why? It is used not to cover his golden balls but to actually conceal his face and his identity.

Watch this and behold the hero of Japan…

Hentai Kamen is no ordinary panty-masked hentai for he is the Hentai of Justice!

hentain kamen

I would die and go to heaven in case a movie would be made starring the Man of Steel and Hentai Kamen. Imagine two super powers from the east and west??? This dream of a movie will definitely give the Avengers a run for their money.

Kayanin kaya ng mga cosplayers ang kostyum ni Hentai Kamen???

Mixed Feelings For The Inevitable Fashion Expansions

Posted on July 7, 2013 by heavenliner

When Cotton On of Australia and Uniqlo of Japan almost simultaneously opened their respective first branches here in the Philippines, I had mixed feelings.

I was happy that these very affordable clothing lines will now easily be accessible. And I do not have to go out of the country or ask favor from friends whom I learned will be vacationing abroad to grab me a piece or two of these clothing brands.

leather jacket from bershka

But at the same time learning that these retail stores are now in the Philippines, I can’t get over the thought of everybody will now be wearing what I was once uniquely wearing in the past. Yeah, call me madamot (translation: selfish douchebag) but in the past when only few Pinoys were wearing these brands, it made me feel a bit privileged in the unique yet obtuse sense of it.

That is why when I went to Osaka Japan last spring, the majority of my fashion-acquisition ventures were from clothing stores that are not yet selling and retailing in the Philippines. I had Bershka, GU and H&M.

bershka in glorietta

However, mixed feelings came over me again when I learned that Bershka of Spain is now here in the Philippines. I guess, Philippines truly is one massive market that must be tapped by these trendy global retail clothing stores to grow and expand. It’s the inevitable. This is even precluding the fact that Pinoys are starting to become trendy, hip and stylish.

Thus, to show my appreciation that Bershka is now in the new Glorietta in Ayala Center Makati, this is where I had my last week’s retail therapy. Though Bershka is a bit too young for me, I was nevertheless happy with my loot.

Madamot na kung madamot!

World War Z and the Philippine Zombie

Posted on June 30, 2013 by heavenliner

pile of zombies going up the israeli wall in the movie World War Z

Zombies are not counted in traditional Filipino mythical world as well as folklores of the ghoulish variant. There is actually no Filipino-Tagalog translation for a Zombie. And to further prove this point, the old Filipino letters actually does not have a letter Z in it. Thus, zombies are non-existent in the Philippines and that it is a product of a western mind.

With this underpinning thought, I am confident that in the zombie-movie World War Z, the bug did not originate from the Philippines. But the movie made me anxious and curious if zombies would be able to reach the Philippines. Like Japan and Indonesia, the Philippines is an archipelago. Thus, to reach and cross its borders you can only enter either via air or water never by land.

I am not a fan of zombie-genre-movies but World War Z ranks right up in my list in terms of making me stunned and jolt right on my seat. Though the movie was intensely entertaining, it is regrettable that it did not illustrate if the Philippines was infected or was in the clear. But with the depiction that the infection will alter a person’s appearance and behavior in just 12 seconds, I presupposed that the Philippines was indeed spared. Why? A zombie characterized to have poor dexterity can’t fly an airplane or sail a boat. And with an extreme aggressiveness and severe hunger for human flesh all passengers of an airplane or a ship would easily be infected before its engine can even start.

When Brad Pitt decided to go to Israel being one of the countries that have kept the zombies at bay because of their construction of a wall, I was shouting “Go to the Philippines!!! You will be safe here!!!” inside the cinema hoping he would hear me. And when the zombies were able to go over the wall of Israel and infected its citizens depicted in a visually astonishing style, I was again shouting inside the movie house “I told you Brad!!! I told you!!!”

a usual occurrence in zombie-filled manila

Maybe the reason why there is no zombie here is because we Pinoys already have so much to deal with. Like having the same equation in different dimension, the zombies of the Philippines are in the form of car thefts, kidnappers, pickpockets, armed robbers and atrocious taxi drivers. These are the on-going catastrophe of Philippine society.

I no doubt enjoyed the compelling World War Z movie and I just hope, similar to what Brad Pitt and those scientist/doctors did in the movie, we finally discover a cure or antidote that would put an end to the pandemic Philippine zombies.

Maging mabuti. Hwag maging sombi.

Nengkoy

ruminations & travesties of the favorite yet naughty son of Nengkoy

Author Archives: heavenliner