Category Archives: politics

Annexing the Anti-Epal Bill

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Every time I see a billboard indicating the name and face of a government official on an infrastructure project being developed I don’t know whether to laugh hysterically or to start throwing big bulky things on it.  Because what I want and need to see is not their big smiling faces but: (i) the cost of the project; (ii) the expected date of completion; (iii) its purpose; and, (iv) the government agency involved.  At this point, I would like to commend the brilliant bill passed by Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago dubbed as the Anti-Epal Bill.

Currently undergoing deliberations, Santiago’s bill is formally entitled “An Act of Prohibiting Public Officers from Claiming Credit through Signage Announcing a Public Works Project”.  I suppose this is one of the most sensible bills to have been passed this year!  It deserves immediate passing into law.

But upon reading the complete text of the proposed bill, there seem to be four glaring epal circumstances that were left uncovered which I hope should also be included in the proposed bill that is rampantly being carried out by a lot of government offices:

  • the names and hideous faces of public officials on ambulances and government-owned vehicles;
  • the photos of rhinoceros-looking barangay captains on barangay clearances;
  • the pathetic photos of mayors on business permits and licenses; and,
  • the atrocious tarpaulins of government officials (of course with their obnoxious smiling faces) hanged along the streets to greet their constituents Happy Fiesta or Happy Valentines.

It is such a shame that such a dynamic, current and remarkable bill would actually come from a 66 year old senator.  I’m a bit disappointed because I expected the much younger lawmakers to draft this kind of a bill.  Or maybe these young and claims to be fresh and more sensible lawmakers have already been devoured by the old and corrupted epal system.

Now, I know that this bill will be very unpopular among government elected and appointed officials.  So in case this will not turn into a law, may I suggest then that instead of just the face of the concerned politician, the signage must bare the picture of his/her whole family.  With 70+ kids, just imagine how the photo of former Senator Ramon Revilla Sr. would look like.

Plis, plis, plis, only in the Pilipins…

Gaddafi Wardrobe

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excuse me boy abunda

Two years ago on my way home to Manila from a holiday in Morocco I personally had the chance to be in Libya.  Too bad it was just for a couple of hours when my plane needs to stop in Tripoli for some passengers to disembark and a new batch of passengers to replace them and go on board heading towards Qatar.

I regret in failing the chance to see Tripoli during that time since that may be my biggest chance on stumbling upon the now dead Libya’s Strong Man, Muammar Gaddafi.  No, I am not a fan nor a supporter of this unstable and eccentric leader.  No way would I support a leader who’s willing to kill his own citizens just to cling on to power. I am actually happy that Libya now is in the verge of a new and beautiful beginning.

Nevertheless, I would sorely miss Gaddafi definitely not because of his regime or oppressive purification laws but because of his flamboyant and vibrantly-colored sense of fashion.  Here are some of the migraine-inducing grandiose razzle-dazzle fashions and ostentatious ornamentations strutted to us by Muammar…

kabog si tito germs

walang panama si mike velarde

nagmistulang boring si obama

Now if I had the chance to own a country, I would only wear either Canali or Armani.

Para syang si Amor Powers na nasa runway!

Idiotic Anti-RH Bill Supporter

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Piolo Pascual (Negkoy's favorite)

Dear Legions of Anti-RH Bill Citizens of the Land,

I am with you.  I am writing you this letter to express my full support on your advocacy that the enactment of “Responsible Parenthood, Reproductive Health and Population and Development Act of 2011” otherwise known as RH Bill into law here in the Philippines should not be carried out.

After reading the whole content of the proposed bill, I realized that the guidelines will somehow control and slow down the growth of the country’s population.  The country is already densely populated and I’m sure you still want full increase in its inhabitants.

If this bill is passed into law, it will educate the populace about their choices on how to have the right number of people either via natural proper spacing of childbirth in the family or via contraception which will eventually slows down the great escalation of population

If population growth slows down, there will be fewer people to share on the already depleted natural resources of this country.  Of course, we don’t want that to happen, we hate natural resources!

If population growth slows down, it will result to planting of more trees at the available spaces of the land instead of building concrete residential subdivisions or squatter areas inhabited by the poor citizens of this country.  We want a concrete filthy jungle not a lush green environment.  Of course we don’t want that to happen, we hate trees!

If population growth slows down, it will result to lesser number of students per classroom.  Lesser number students per classroom will mean more focused learnings among the youth.  Lesser number of students in the classroom will discourage cheating among students during exams.  Of course we don’t want that to happen, we hate being too focused and being too intelligent!

If population growth slows down, it will result to lesser number of people queuing at the not so reliable MRT and LRT train stations.  Also, during the congested train ride, we want our faces digging into the stinky armpits of other passengers.  Thus, there will be lesser stink of body sweat in the metro.  Of course we don’t want that to happen, we love the asim smell of pawis!

If population growth slows down, it will result to lesser number of church goers and eventually lead to decreased monetary donations and stipend for our loving priests.  Even if the priests themselves do not procreate and the number one violator of their teaching that people should go forth and multiply, we exalt them.  Of course we don’t want that to happen, we so love the filthy rich priests of this land!

If population growth slows down, it will result to lesser number of Facebook users which will eventually lead to lesser number of Facebook connected friends. Of course we don’t want that to happen, we love Facebook!

Your Friend in Disaster,

Neil

Ayaw ko ng RH Bill na ‘yan kasi BALIW ako!

Alienating Senator with Alienated Bill

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While surfing the internet, I happen to chance upon the website of the 15th Congress of the Senate of the Philippines.  While surfing the Senate’s website, I stumbled onto one of the most bizarre bills ever filed!  It is so debauched I got so stunned and astounded.

Senate bill 2639 authored by the ever ‘brilliant’ Senator Lito Lapid was filed just last Tuesday, January 18, 2011.  The bill seeks to require all signs, signboards or billboards written in foreign language other than English and Filipino to bear corresponding English or Filipino translation.

As its “dazzling” basis, foreign languages alienate the Filipinos in their own country.  He further explains in his bill that, “it is incumbent upon the State to instill and maintain a sense of nationalism among dwellers living within its jurisdiction, whether they are Filipinos or migrants.   We, as Filipinos, should never be subjected to the alienation and seclusion that we are experiencing due to this phenomenon.”

Let me tickle your fancy and fantasy in case this bizarre bill is passed into a law.  Here are some possible translations of popular restaurant establishments in the metro:

  • Je Suis Gourmand (French restaurant in Bonifacio Global City) =Ako Ay Gutom Restawran
  • Le Souffle (French Restaurant in Bagtikan, San Antonio Makati) = Ang Binate at Hinornong Puti ng Itlog Restawran
  • Omakase (Japanese Restaurant in Libis) = Bahala Ka Sa Buhay Mo Kainan
  • Taj (Indian Restaurant in Tagaytay) = Saplot sa Ulo na Hugis Apa Restawran
  • Bellini’s (Italian Restaurant in Cubao) = Restawran ni Manong Belini

Worse would be the restaurants that bear Korean characters now breeding the vicinities of Malate and Ermita.  And can you just imagine the changes needed to me made in the confusing yet eye-catching Chinese calligraphy characters on the signboards found in the streets of Binondo and Ongpin?

Now, in the event this dim-witted bill is passed as an official decree, there are two questions I would like to ask:  “Who then is alienating?” and, “Who now is alienated?”

Itong si Lapid di naman komedyante, nagbibiro. Sats a weyst of speys!

Free Hubert Webb

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After fifteen long years in prison, Hubert Webb is neither innocent nor guilty but should be set free!  This is my personal opinion and assessment after watching last Sunday night the TV documentary “Cheche Lazaro Present:  Dalawang Mukha ng Hustisya”.

I am saying this not because the Philippine court should have accepted Webb’s greatest and absolute defense of being in US during the time of the crime as verified by FBI and certified no less by Madeleine Korbel Albright (first woman US Secretary of State).

I am saying this because some dimwit and defective government agency misplaced and unable to find the semen specimen found in the cadaver of Carmela (one of the victims in the Vizconde massacre) so as to compare it with the semen of Hubert Webb via DNA testing.  The missing semen specimen is a definite and clear-cut evidence that could no longer be presented in court not by fault by Webb but by fault of a Philippine government agency, thus, he in effect is deprived of due process.  Therefore he should be discharged, dismissed and relieved from the confines of prison.

Ang problema hindi ako ang Suprim Kort ng Pinas.  Keys dismis!

What If Ninoy…

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With today’s commemoration on the death anniversary of Ninoy Aquino Sr., the incredible modern day Filipino hero, have you ever wondered what if Ninoy did not decide to come home to the Philippines exactly 27 years ago?  What if Ninoy chose to stay in the US, enjoy the Boston hospitality and settle for a more peaceful life with his family on American soil?

These are some of my freaking thoughts…

  1. The image of Ferdinand Marcos is on the Philippine 500 peso bill;
  2. MIA (Manila International Airport) would have not been changed to NAIA but will remain MIA but with a different denotation, i.e. Marcos International Airport
  3. Cory would have not been the 11th president of the republic but Imelda
  4. Pido Dida movie starring the late Rene Requiestas and Kris would have not been a blockbuster
  5. Noynoy would have not been the 15th president of the republic but Bong Bong
  6. Imee would be the partner host of Boy Abunda in The Buzz and the she is the present host of Pilipinas Win Na Win
  7. Cager James Yap would not be in a whirlwind situation right now and should be enjoying a life with his son whose mother is not the self-absorbed Kris
  8. Imee would have been the Queen of All Media but not the tactless, conniving and calculative kind who would do anything just to stay in the spotlight
  9. The great, crucial and momentous People Power is a non-existent type of revolution in this country
  10. I would have not been writing this blog

Ano nga kaya?

No Sight of Website

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this is all you get...

Today is July 12, 2010.  It’s been 12 days that I have a new president – Benigno S. Aquino III.  However, as far as the global system of interconnected computer networks that serves billions of users worldwide, the Office of the Philippine President’s website is still closed. 

Is this a sign of poor public service ahead?  I hope I’m wrong, mistaken and incorrect.  At least his youngest freakin’ loud sister had Twitter and Facebook when she was still active in the showbiz limelight… 

With all the techies breathing the same polluted air of the country, the officials of the office of the highest post in the land doesn’t seem to tap even a single computer guru to update or at least open it.  I’m bitching because I want to be informed and it’s my right to be updated on what has been done, being done and planned to be done straight from the Commander in Chief.

 Ano ba yan?!  O baka walang signal sa Malacañang…