Unworthy YT Music Awards

Posted on November 3, 2013 by heavenliner

It has been quite disappointing to know that the line-up of nominees in this year’s YouTube Music Awards (YTMA) Artist Of The Year were nothing but a product of strong marketing campaign.

The award says “artist” but the line-up of nominees seem out of place. Yeah, they had the greatest number of views and likes in their respective videos but that does not mean they are the greatest artist this year. I would be more convinced if any one of these nominees were lined up in the category of YTMA Popular Celebrity of the Year.

For me, YouTube’s coming up with bunch of awards to give out has been a total mess. It’s nothing but a cringe-worthy crusade. YouTube is YouTube. It’s a totally huge, massive and colossal virtual world of videos representing every walks of human life. With the enormous amount of artistic videos uploaded daily around the planet, you can’t just select and trim down in just ten so-called worthy celebrities who are products of western pop marketing campaigns.

One pop group or a celebrity cannot in any way represent the great impetus of YouTube. YouTube coming up with these nasty awards is only making itself cheap and annoying. YouTube should realize the social impact that they’ve done and continuously doing and not just a mere portal of pop music and their celebrities.

Yuchub! Ang labo mo…

Calling Out the Names of The Santos & The Santas

Posted on August 26, 2013 by heavenliner

I just arrived early this morning from Siem Reap, Cambodia. The flight going back to sunshine Manila was generally smooth with a couple of freaking turbulence.

This is totally different from the nerve rattling turbulent plane ride going to Siem Reap. It was so shaky!!! It was the mightiest gust of winds and deepest air pockets combined that I have ever experienced in all the flights that I had. Our flight then was still at the end of the monsoon rains that flooded and shattered the whole Metro Manila for five long days.

It was so shaky me and my sister were already holding hands while the airplane hits the combination of massive cumulonimbus clouds. What is so bad about it is that the madness did not last only for a couple of minutes, the turbulence and shaking happened for more than an hour. Children inside the plain were all crying while adults are trying their best not to scream.

actress vilma santos as darna

Instead of uttering expletives, I prayed hard and called out all the saints that I know to ask for their holy intercessions. All the “Santos” and the “Santas” that I could recall, I called. I even called for Santa Quiteria whom I don’t know. What is so funny is when I could no longer recall other names of Santos and Santas I called out the name of Santa Claus and Vilma Santos to help us with our journey! The thought actually made me laughed and relaxed a little.

Nerbyoso! Muntik na ko mapa-ihi sa nerbyos at katatawa!

The Word of the Day is UMAY

Posted on August 21, 2013 by heavenliner

Living in a scorching and humid tropical country, I love it when it rains. Rain is like a sweet dessert after a damn hot meal. But being subjected to constant raining for the past five days is too much. It’s no longer sweet and pleasurable. It’s already like the horrible sickening feeling you get after a nasty food binge.

Thus, my word of the day is “UMAY” pronounced as “ooh-mai” meaning cloy or cloying. After raining for almost a week this has been my general feeling. No thanks to typoon Maring and the monsoon wind for being so stupefying.

It’s already nakakaumay, umay-peg and umayness. But for the sosyal, classy and ostentatiously wealthy the feeling is nakaka-cloy, cloying-peg and cloyingness.

stuck and stumped inside my unit
due endless raining for the past 5 days

I definitely miss looking at the moon and at the stars. And I hope the dark clouds would give us a break and the great sunshine would finally show up tomorrow.

Sana bukas umulan… Umulan ng pera…

Superman Ceased Wearing Briefs While A New Superhero Wears Panties

Posted on July 7, 2013 by heavenliner

I’m a bit disappointed when I saw on screen the changes in the Superman costume. He has gone commando (sort of) and no longer wears with those red little briefs. But with or without the red underwear, the Man of Steel will always be my favorite superhero.

But wait. In the midst of giving up the red briefs by the western-made superhero, a new superhero emerges from the other side of the planet. He’s Hentai Kamen. The eastern-made forbidden superhero! He’s not wearing briefs but a pair of panties.

Unlike the old-fashioned and non-sense red briefs of the Superman, the panties for this Japanese superhero, I guess, would be very essential. Why? It is used not to cover his golden balls but to actually conceal his face and his identity.

Watch this and behold the hero of Japan…

Hentai Kamen is no ordinary panty-masked hentai for he is the Hentai of Justice!

hentain kamen

I would die and go to heaven in case a movie would be made starring the Man of Steel and Hentai Kamen. Imagine two super powers from the east and west??? This dream of a movie will definitely give the Avengers a run for their money.

Kayanin kaya ng mga cosplayers ang kostyum ni Hentai Kamen???

A Letter to North Korea

Posted on April 2, 2013 by heavenliner

Dear North Korea,

What the hell have you been thinking?! I know you are upset with South Korea for having closed a mighty deal with USA to hold a joint military exercise. But try to think again if you are really pursuing your stupid plans of annihilating the South. Because I am pretty sure you won’t succeed.

Why? Here’s why…

First, the problem with you is that you have shunned yourself to the world. You basically have been living under the rock that is why you don’t know that in the past couple of years there has been what is known as the “Korean Wave”. Which actually should have been coined “South Korean Wave” since this phenomenon has totally nothing to do with you.

You should be aware that (South) Korean Wave refers to the increasing popularity of South Korean entertainment and culture all over the planet. And part of this wave is the migration of South Koreans in various parts of the world. They are everywhere for goodness sakes! Therefore, even if you smash and rupture the vast lands of South Korea into smithereens, South Korean genes, populace and ethnicity will never be gone. It will remain on this planet. I just hope you learn from the equally dim-witted soul-less Nazis who thankfully flopped in annihilating the Jewish people.

jo in-sung

Second, if you fight the South Koreans people of other nations will detest and abhor you. This is because when South Korea will be at war their popular boy bands as well as their superstar actor-celebrities Jo In-sung, Hyun Bin and Lee Min Ho will be required to be enlisted to join their armed forces. People of the world would definitely don’t want these cutesy looking idols getting hit by a bullet or even crawl on muddy messy ground.

dara: pambansang krung krung

Lastly, if you fight South Korea, Dara of girl-band 2NE1 who is popularly known as Sandara Parks here in the Philippines will be sad and agitated. You must know that Filipinos love Dara, she is the pambansang krung-krung (Philippine icon for weird yet adorable silliness). And of course, you don’t want to mess up with the krung-krung Filipinos. We don’t need to go there in your country to physically fight and be at war. We have lots of expert mangkukulam-s (voodoos) and the mambabarang-s (withcrafts and sorcerers) who can easily cast a curse or spell on your brain-washed people.

That is why you should think again. Anyway, getting into war is so ancient, obsolete and very out-of-style. My final advise to you, you should get out of your shell, be current, be modern, be cool!

Your Would Be Nemesis If You Don’t Straighten Up Your Act,

The Delicious Earthling

Umayos nga yang Nort Koreya na ‘yan! Di naman kagandahan!

A Letter to Akihito (Again)

Posted on March 27, 2013 by heavenliner

cherry blossoms from my last year’s adventure

Once again, to His Royal Highness who sits on the Chrysanthemum Throne,

Ohayou gozaimasu.

I, the Delicious Earthling is writing you again to let you graciously be aware that I will visit your splendid empire for the second time. No worries must be felt for I don’t intend to inflict harm nor wreak havoc towards your courteous dwellers.

In fact I, the Delicious Earthling, totally adored and fancied the experiences and adventures the last time I was in your delightful kingdom. However, in my upcoming trip one worry has been lingering since the time I decided to be back.

It’s your ever famous Cherry Blossoms. I learned and led to believe from various readings and manuscripts that the full bloom of these illustrious flowers has already fallen off the branches on the day of my arrival. Therefore and unlike my previous correspondence (press LINK) to you when I demanded three requirements that your dwellers need to ensure, I instead will be petitioning for only one single yet simple demand.

I want your kingdom to ensure that fresh Cherry Blossoms are still on the sturdy trees right in its proper branches. If not then I guess you will have to make use of your powers to impose that fresh cherry blossoms are glued and fixed on their respective branches.

I suggest you summon your people to stick and glue these flowers with cooked grains of your sticky tasty rice to keep it in their respective places. Otherwise, this will be the source of disappointment by the Delicious Earthling.

Your Comrade in Wealth,

The Delicious Earthling

nengkoy from last year’s trip

As yuswal di paiiwan ang Nengkoy

They Found Their King Richard III While Our Warrior Lapu-Lapu Is (Still Missing) Our Dinner

Posted on February 10, 2013 by heavenliner

The skeleton of a man who lived, reigned and died more than 500 years ago was found and just this week (after comprehensive research and study) has been confirmed to be the remains of Richard III, King of England and one of the last Plantagenet.

Finding the remains of King Richard III buried underneath a parking lot is extra-ordinarily mind-blowing yet true. His colorful life story and his remains are actually older than the recorded history of my country (Philippines).

I have read quite a number of things about Richard III in the past. He has been badly represented by history being crooked power-hungry hunched-back notorious killer. However, due to the unearthing of his remains historians of Great Britain has started to re-evaluate for a more accurate depiction on the life and personality of Richard III.

As for my country, the first recorded warrior-hero is Lapu-Lapu. He is believed to have lived a couple of decades after Richard III was killed. But unfortunately, biographical accounts and chronicles about Lapu-Lapu remain blurred, dazed and vague.

Like Richard III, I hope someone would surprise us and be able to unearth Lapu-Lapu’s remains. This seemingly impossible feat will certainly solidify the foundation and cultural substance of my countrymen. My country’s past and history before the Spanish colonization seem fallacious and illusory we inadvertently named a reddish grouper fish Lapu-Lapu.

lapu lapu in sweet & sour sauce

I guess no Filipino today will try to search for the remains of the great warrior because we already often see it deep-fried with sweet and sour sauce on our dining table.

Malay n’yo anak pala sa labas ni Haring Ritsard III si Lafu-Lafu…

Thank You Lou & Greg

Posted on December 20, 2012 by heavenliner

the oreo-cookie-look-alike mayan calendar

I would like to personally thank two people who were responsible for the calendar that the world is now using. Aloysius Lilius, the Italian astronomer and physicist who invented the solar-cycle-based Gregorian calendar and Pope Gregory XIII who approved on this calendar that bears his name.

It’s been all around the news for the past months that according to the Mayan calendar, tomorrow will be the end of the world. Can you just imagine what we are now doing in case the Mayan calendar is the one that proliferated around this planet and the one we earthlings are using? Today must probably be nothing but chaos.

Thanks Lou and Greg. Because of you two, I’m not packing my bags and ready to go to either Venus or Mars since the world will not end tomorrow. Nevertheless, December 21, 2012 will be dubbed as the most widely-disseminated doomsday tale of human history.

Tuloy ang buhay. May pasok bukas!

Receiving Flyers is a Measure of Looking Rich

Posted on November 17, 2012 by heavenliner

recent flyer i was handed with

Distributing flyers inside a mall or out on the street is such a daunting task. But are you the type who easily gets pissed off when a stranger tries to hand you a piece of flyer when all you wanted to do is to proceed to the nearest coffee shop to grab your espresso? Or are you the “deadma type” (feigning unawareness type) who would just proceed with your hasty pace so as to carry on with your weekend shopping of your essentials?

I’m neither both. In fact I am pleased when a stranger hand me a flyer. This is especially true when the leaflets or brochures being handed over are about offerings for platinum credit cards, exclusive gym memberships, condominium units, 3-bedroom houses or even luxurious cars.

I fancy being handed with these brochures and flyers because it looks like I am perceived to be a capable soul of buying and paying for these expensive products. In short, I look rich!

That is why I hate it when I am with Ate Gaying (my elder sister) inside a mall because every time we come across a distributing Flyer Dude or Dudette she is the one being handed over with these well printed brochures. She would simply utter and tell me, “Ay, ako ang binigyan. Mukha ka kasing mahirap” (Translation: “Oops, I’m the one given. It’s because you look poor”). This would simply be the moment I would execute my villainous stare with angry gritting teeth towards the flyer-giver.

So, every time you are handed with a promotional flyer, accept, smile and be glad about it. It’s because you simply look rich.

Kahit sa pagtanggap ng flayer, pinapasosyal ko sarili ko. Hahaha!

My Delusions for LRT 1 Extension

Posted on October 29, 2012 by heavenliner

In the news last week, it was announced that 4 final bidders for the Php 60-billion Light Rail Transit (LRT 1) Cavite extension project are among the biggest business groups in Asia. While I was reading the news it was funny for I was wondering what the extended LRT 1 line would be like in the future being based and predicated upon by who among the bidders would be chosen.

One of the final bidders is the tandem of Metro Pacific investments and Ayala Group, owners of Smart and Globe telecommunications respectively. Would this mean that in case this rare tandem wins the bid there would be free wi-fi inside the train? And since these business empires own ABC 5 tv station and chic malls respectively, would there be days when showbiz personalities be assigned as kaheros and kaheras (cashiers) while the riding public can shop for trendy garments and dine elegantly inside the train?

What about the other builder, that is, SMC Infra Resources, the owner of San Miguel? Would this mean there would be free bottle of San Mig Light beer or a complimentary grilled Purefoods hotdog on stick for the riding public if they buy stored-value tickets?

Another bidder is the tandem between Malaysia’s MTDC and South Korea’s Samsung. Would this mean, there will be a promo in which the biggest LRT spender/rider will have the chance to win a free trip to Malaysia and Korea? And what about not allowing IPhone users to ride the LRT 1 extension since it will be constructed by Samsung? Would a Samsung cellphone’s Contactless Payment feature through its NFC (near field communication) chip be utilized in paying for your train ride? Imagine, having your Samsung phone simply touching an NFC payment reader and you are allowed access and entry inside the train?

Lastly, there’s the DMCI Holdings, one of the most reliable residential construction company of this country. Would there be a promo for the train-riding public of having a chance to win elegant fully-furnished houses in one of the lush residences of Metro Manila whom they developed?

I know that these are too farfetched. And I know that I am nuts.

By the way, my first train ride was the old LRT 1 line that stretched from Baclaran to Monumento during the early 80’s. Nengkoy (my mother) tagged me along one weekend to ride this electric-operated train, the first in Metro Manila. During its first few months of operation the Marcos regime decided that the fare would be free and complimentary for the citizens of the metro to get the feel on how safe it was. During those naïve and inexperienced era, the Manila citizenry had the notion and misconception that you could get electrocuted when you ride the new train since it is run by electricity.

Still by the way, when Nengkoy and I reached Monumento we entered Jackman store in Caloocan to buy a piece of payong (umbrella) then went back again to Baclaran still via the LRT. That was one of my most exciting train rides.

Choo-choo-choo!

Nengkoy

ruminations & travesties of the favorite yet naughty son of Nengkoy

Category Archives: demented thoughts