With the present brouhaha on 2006 Philippine Nursing Licensure Exam leakage and cheating, Florence Nightingale must be fuming nuts and rolling in her grave!  Due to this, I modified the Florence Nightingale Pledge which the 2006 nursing exam cheaters can use and review from time to time while practicing the profession.  Here it goes…

I solemnly pledge myself before God and in the presence of this assembly, to pass my life in impurity and to malpractice my profession faithfully. I will in no way abstain from whatever is deleterious and mischievous, and will enjoy taking or stupidly administer any harmful drug.

I will do all in my power to destroy and lower the standard of my profession, and will hold in confidence all personal matters committed to my keeping and all family affairs coming to my knowledge in the malpractice of my calling. No way will I endeavor to aid the physician in his work (let him do his crappy stuff), and detach myself to the welfare of those committed to my care.

Kudos to you big time cheaters!  With the stigma brought about by this shame, I’m sure 2006 professional nurses will never land a job abroad.  This scandal actually brought one advantage for the country.  At least for now the Philippines will not experience the shortage of nurses.

Now we’re screwed!

Pasay City is one of the four original cities of Metro Manila.  Though it is a pioneering city of the metropolis, development is tremendously slow.  One reason is because of a deep-rooted long history of corruption in the local government.

In 2004 the city lived up to its tagname "Aim High Pasay!" when the Metropolitan Manila Development Authority (MMDA) gave the honor to a Barangay in Pasay as the dirtiest in Metro Manila overthrowing the classic and world renowned Smokey Mountain on top of the list.

Walking along the streets of Pasay is like being subjected to an obstacle course beating those difficult yet challenging trails in the popular TV show ‘Amazing Race’.  Full concentration and focus is needed while trekking for you might fall victim to an experience that is beyond human comprehension!  Here are the top seven obstacles you have to surpass ala ‘Fear Factor’ episode when walking along the streets of Pasay:

Top 7  –  Slippery wet alleyways, streets and roads due to outdated and leaking city plumbing system and poor, if not lacking, household drainage

Top 6  –  Creepy ‘Taong Grasa’ (loony, psychotic or schizophrenic mortals)

Top 5  – Disgusting vomit from beer-bellied souls who have been nauseously drunk the previous night

Top 4  –  Scary half-naked, red-eyed and stick figured drug addicts

Top 3  – Deadly and filthy street dogs that has yet to be injected with anti-rabies

Top 2  – Noisy, dirty and sour-smelling kids with ‘kuto’ (hair lice) being products of population explosion

Top 1  – Yucky dog poop

Aside from opting for the most excellent and superlative persons as friends (like the ones I have here in Friendster), I have been very careful in choosing my enemy.

It has been considered that an enemy is one of the instruments of an individual’s destiny.  The mere presence of an enemy can actually manipulate, oppress or influence a person’s emotion.  Enemies can control places that you want to go to; they can restrain noteworthy time that you want to spend; or, they can confine how you would like things to be done.

To deem a person as your opponent, a rival or an adversary is to confess that that soul is your equal.  That is why always pick on the winners.  Combating on losers is not only foolish it is also an unappealing refection of one’s self.

I recently read in an article that google is officially now a verb.  This new verb has been included in the 11^th edition of Meriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary.  It is defined as: ‘to use the Google search engine to obtain information on the World Wide Web’. 

I wonder when the word ‘gemba’ will make it in any collegiate dictionary.  ‘Gemba’ like google is a verb (or can be a noun) that is starting to make its mark in the Pinoy psyche.  This colloquial-coined word when conjugated would sound as: gumemba, gumegemba and gegemba.

It is defined as a secret activity (usually leisurely in nature) that you need or wants to do but don’t want other mortals to know.  It’s like when a friend ask what are you going to do in the coming weekend and still want to be cool about it, you can respond by saying ‘”May gemba” or “Gegemba”.   It will be up to the listener to form his notion or conclusion may it be something dorky, sleazy or anything regular. 

The exquisiteness of the word ‘gemba’ is that it will automatically quit the listener to ask further for he may create the despicable impression that he is so persistent to know what the undisclosed pursuit actually is.  It actually measures the level of brain contamination, maliciousness or how slutty the mind of the listener is. 

This is also the term that you can smartly use if you have been asked by a soul about a friend’s present goings-on.  You can retort by saying, “Ayon sya, gumegemba!”  Meaning you don’t know.  Moreover, with its side-splitting snarky sound when used, you can be downright funny!

It has its limitations though.  You cannot use the word gemba when responding to your elders or to your significant other (like a spouse or a partner).  This will only spell out trouble since it signifies that you are actually keeping a goofy secret.  Neither can this word be used to your children for they may loose the respect that you have been building up since the day they were born.

Such a short word for a long yet powerful definition!  Halika na! Gumemba na tayo!

There has been a shortage of doñas now in the society.  Doñas in the Philippines are very different from the doñas out of it.  Doñas abroad can be just another married woman.  Here in the Philippines they are characterized with colorful traits, persona and qualities.  I have written two notable doñas already in this blog (they are Doñas Aguida and Doña Menang).  However, they are not the only doñas that I grew up knowing.  Except from possessing loads and loads of money, there are no hard rules on the distinct criteria in terms of personal qualities before you could be considered and called a doña.  Maybe from the diva doñas I grew up knowing, you could create these criteria, they are…

• DOÑA VICTORINA – The Española wannabe with tons of money!  Doña Victorina, one of the most famous and comical characters created by Rizal.  She is well known for her extravagance and whims plus her ambition to Europeanize herself.  An Indio who rejects and denies her true identity in every form, may it be in her looks (from Asian straight brunette to blonde curls matched with European dresses in hot and humid Pinoy weather) or in her language ( a true-blue trying hard Spanish talker with deep Pinoy accent).  She marries a Spanish wimp to have a Spanish sounding name and to put a "de" in her name, thus calling her Doña Victorina de Espadana
• DOÑA BUDING – Before stand-up comedy became a big hit, there was already Doña Buding.  She is the personification of decadence and arrogance on Pinoy TV.  She is ‘mata-pobre’, snooty and vain but utterly lovable.  Doña Buding is a nouveau riche that me and my sisters patiently wait for to speak-up on Penthouse Live hosted by Pops Fernandez and Martin Nievera.  When it’s her turn to do her monologue, it seems that the world would stop for a while since everybody is listening to the social-climber talking about her out-of-this-world riches, expensive diversions plus the illustrious beings that she has been with while wearing those big shiny rocks of jewelry.  She is a big blast of a laugh!
• DOÑA DELILAH – The heavy-weighted, overbearing and disapproving mom-in-law of the poor and prudish man, John Puruntong.  Who can forget the famous punch line of this Pinoy archetype mother-in-law, "Kaya ikaw John, magsumikap ka!"  With the exemption to John, Doña Delilah is somebody who’s loving, affectionate and financially caring for her family.  She is the boss of the high-pitched sounding maid named Matutina whose main job is to sweep money in the house of her master.
• DOÑA AGUIDA and DOÑA MENANG (you can read my previous blog about them)
• DOÑA PAZ – Not a rich post menopausal baroness from Barangay Pinyahan but an atrocious passenger ship.  She was on her way to Manila when she collided into a cargo vessel carrying barrels of oil.  The news featured a blazing annihilation of the two ships in the middle of the sea from which it was virtually impossible to escape.  It was coined the worst maritime disaster ever.  The mournful yet far-famed Titanic’s casualities are only more that 1,500 but Doña Paz’s inferno claimed more than 4,000 mortals.  Many of the innocent victims were families on their way home for Christmas holiday.

F is a letter that is not formerly incorforated in the Filifino alfabet.  F is a deceftive letter for it fuzzled and ferflexed a lot of Finoys on enunciating it froferly.  With the unimfresive decline of Finoys sfeaking the English language and still fancying and asfiring to resonate like a ferson who can sfeak it, a lot of exfressive Finoys would refeatedly utter the F way reflacing the unfortunate letter P.

Sfeaking in this fashion requires the listener to fossess a nafkin to mof-uf his face due to the sfits sfayring and sfewing from the stufid sfeakers mouth.

One frofound frofosition for those feofle with this froblem… flease fronounce your P froferly esfecially whem sfeaking in fublic.  You can fractice by reading a frose or a foem at the airfort!

Aaargh!

Pechay is a popular vegetable that grows and thrives in the Philippines.  This leafy vegetable can be sauted or cooked adobo style.  It is a minor ingredient in various Pinoy viands like Nilaga and Cosido.  This fibrous vegetable when eaten, basically maintains its fiber structure – it’s still visible and identifiable – when pushed out of the body during defecation.

With the evolution of the Filipino language, the word pechay has started to make its mark giving a different meaning.  These are:

1. It is the word used when a person would not want to utter bad and displeasing word.  Example, a lady reacting to an abominable situation may say, "Anak ng Pechay!" instead of "Anak ng Put*", meaning son of a bitc*.  ‘Anak ng Pechay’ is milder and lighter to the ear making the talker a bit graceful.
2. Pechay can also mean a female sex organ.  In a recent Pinoy movie entitled ‘Manay Po’, a gay character was so depressed when he found out that his bestfriend and love of his life already have a girlfriend.  For him to lure his bestfriend to fall for him he wants to have a lot of money so that a ‘pechay’ can be assembled in his body (means undergoing a sex change).

It still makes me wonder why Filipinos can’t just utter the Tagalog/Filipino word of vagina.  When in fact in the US a monologue has been entitled ‘Vagina Monologue’.  Can you just imagine translating it in Tagalog/Filipino?  It would be entitled ‘Puk*ng Mag-Isang Nagsasalita’ better yet calling it ‘Pagtatalumpati ng Pechay’.  It’s more assuasive to hear.

Happy and healthy pechay to everyone!

Me as a person is not very religious.  Maybe that is why I do not have a close friend who is a priest, a pastor, a religious preacher or a nun. 

I have always been fascinated with nuns.  When I was young (even until now), I always perceive them to be so beautiful (not on a sexy way though) and so clean.  I always wonder how these ladies can keep themselves so fresh and unsoiled all day long.  I actually have yet to see a dirty nun.  I have seen them walk the street – rally wise or not – and yet they can keep their cool disposition and tidiness even under the heat of a scorching sun and dusty air of the metropolis.

In my whole life, I just had two nun teachers.  One was during grade school days, a missionary nun who would teach the virtues of the Catholic religion during homeroom subject – too bad I forgot her name.  The other was in college who taught me all my Theology subjects, her name is Sister Fermina.  Too bad during those times, I was too afraid to ask these two ladies how can they keep themselves so neat.

I guess a lot of people will answer this question by saying… “Maybe it is because the cleanliness of their spirit and peacefulness of their minds radiates to their physical being”.

Last Saturday, after their morning badminton game my mom with my 2 sisters suddenly appear in front of my apartment unit doing a surprise visit.  These three ladies did nothing but criticize the way my unit looks, how messed up my room was, and how ugly the whole apartment has been!

One big wish that I have is for Nate Berkus to make-over my apartment unit for free!  That would be the coolest!  It’s free to dream right? So might as well go for the big shot!

For those who don’t know Nate Berkus, he is the house and interior designer who frequents the Oprah Show everytime Oprah features a house that needs make-over.  His work were the coolest and super superb!!!  I loved what he did with Eva Longoria’s parents home, Jerry O’Connell’s bachelor pad, Kristie Alley’s mansion and the make-over of the ugliest room in America.

I guess I should start writing Oprah on this matter…

It makes me wonder… TV interviews of typical and average Pinoys on the street when asked if life is harder today than a couple of years ago would state and say that definitiely life is harder now.

This same Pinoy answer to the same question has been going on ever since TV has been created.

However, if you will think harder, a couple of years ago not all or very few Pinoys own a mobile phone.  This item no matter how helpful it is, is not a basic need compared to food and shelter.  And yet, typical Pinoys own it.  Even the peanut vendor at J. Bocobo corner Orosa in Malate owns a cellphone.

Last month I went to a barber shop in one of the malls in Manila for a haircut.  While my hair was being fixed, I overheard the barbers asking each other on who won the past night’s ‘pusoy dos’  (a pinoy poker card game).  Amazingly, everyone answered they lost!  Everyone laughed when they knew that no one won. One barber say, "ibig nyo sabihin walang nanalo? nasan ang pera? aba’y magic!" ("you mean no one won? where’s the money? that’s magic!")

This barbers’ conversation is soooo Pinoy!  No one wants to present self as someone with better stand in life or at least being positive.

It’s like the sickening TV interviews of typical Pinoys when asked if they were living better now than the past year…