Author Archives: heavenliner

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About heavenliner

a twisted little soul... people see me to be so delicious they sometimes want to eat me...

Manila Doctors College Appalling Appelations

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Being an alumnus, I was saddened to learn from the grapevine that the present officers of Manila Doctors College have plans of changing the name of the school.  According to the outrageous rumor, the executives are contemplating on changing the name because the degree courses to be added are not going to be “health related” anymore.

If the gossip is true, I don’t know what in the world were the present high and mighty magistrates of MDC are thinking that the word ”doctor” is a word only related and limited to health.  According to Wikipedia, the word doctor is a title that is accorded to someone who has received a doctorate degree.  It is a textbook case that a doctorate degree is conferred to persons not only in the health-related field, these MDC chieftains themselves maybe Doctors of Education or Theology which may not in any way be related to the medical field.

Dr. Valentina Vrandakapoor, my favorite doctor is not even a physician.  Dr. Valentina, the Queen of the Reptiles and the most notorious nemesis of Darna earned her PhD in Reptilian Zoology!

A co-alumnus upon learning about the buzz even suggested that graduates from MDC create a united body to air its concern of not changing the school’s name otherwise all hell breaks loose.  I in contrary suggested that we might as well recommend a new possible name of Manila Doctors College in which the acronym MDC should remain.  This will at least warrant the new name to still start with the M, D and C acrostics.  I was even willing to treat a dinner to the person with the best name suggestion.  Here are some of my twisted name entries:

  • Manila Dementia College
  • Madyohong Dyutay College
  • Matudnila Dudung College
  • Mahal Dito College
  • Mashonget Ditey College
  • Mahalia Dyakson College
  • Manila Dyologs College

Here are Karen Batangan’s mind-boggling suggestions:

  • Mukang Datung College
  • Magiging Dukhang College
  • Mega Dyologs College
  • Moron Doon College
  • Makakating Datan College
  • Meganung Dakuykuy College
  • Mwahahaha Dahaaaakk College!

Totoo kaya ang tsismis?  Si Doctor Love nga hindi naman pisishan pero doctor…

FlipTop: The Modern Day Balagtasan

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I disagree that Balagtasan – the Filipino art of publicly arguing in extemporaneous, scaled and rhymed poetry manner – is dead!  There is a new form of modern day Pinoy poetry emerging nowadays called FlipTop (Filipino Rap Battle League).  The partakers are young street-smart dudes who can be considered geniuses in the contemporary Filipino language.

It is similar to Balagtasan in which the participants compete in a free-flowing articulation of rhyming thoughts.  The extemporaneous verbalization is in “rap” form without the music which is so mind-blowing I admit that I personally will have difficulty doing such. Instead of calling themselves master poets they consider themselves Master Rappers.  The free-style rap battle is also being mediated by a moderator similar to Balagtasan’s Lakandiwa.

The challengers’ unscripted choice of words can be very rude, vulgar and screechingly obscene yet their performance is a cross between histrionic art and indigenous oral tradition of poetry they can make the audience enjoy the flavor of rhyme, brainpower and humor.  But unlike the Balagtasan in which the poet who received the loudest applause from the audience wins, the winner is determined by selected judges based on the challenger’s verbal flair, brilliant wisecracks and dynamite cleverness.  Here’s a mind-blowing example on how these reincarnated makata do it…

Shet! Ang lupet!!!

A Lan Kwai Fong Episode

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One of the highlights of my recent Hong Kong trip was the Saturday night clubbing at Lan Kwai Fong.  Though it has been a couple of weeks already, I admit that I totally enjoyed that night in that part of Hong Kong in which it would be a sin not to write about it.

Lan Kwai Fong is Hong Kong’s most popular nightlife entertainment district.  People from all walks of life enjoy a drink with friends and even strangers both local and foreign.  It’s one cool jam-packed party place!

You can never get hungry in this dynamic district.  The diversity of cuisines has equated into dozens of food establishments in the area from make shift food stalls to sophisticated dining joints.   We actually just had hotdog sandwich right on the street for dinner.  Thanks to the heavy pouring of rain that we need to get cover because we accidentally intrude an overcrowded bar called Insomnia where a live high-spirited Filipino band plays.  Inside Insomnia we did nothing but have fun!

We couldn’t get over Lan Kwai Fong we actually came back the following day and broke-in at Balalaika.  With the huge bust of Lenin at the entrance door, this Russian bar is still closed when we invaded.  Thanks to the nonchalant and friendly bartender who is still doing a pre-operating stuff inside the establishment for he let us in and even allowed us to wear fake fur coats and enter the coldest place in Hong Kong, the negative 20 degrees Siberian Vodka Room.  It’s so bitterly cold I thought my fingers have fallen off.

Lan Kwai Fong’s buzz is so contagious that is why when I will get the chance to visit Hong Kong again, clubbing at Lan Kwai Fong will definitely be part of it!

Nag-endyoy talaga ako dun! Ang tsalap tsalap…

Itching for Les Miserables

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More than 10 years ago when Video City (VHS video rental house) was still the “in” thing to do to catch-up and see previous movies people failed to see in the cinemas (pirated DVDs were virtually non-existent and is sooo illegal then, now its not so illegal anymore hahaha!), I stumbled upon a VHS of the 10th anniversary concert of Les Miserables at the Royal Albert Hall.  I rented it out in Video City good for three days without expecting and knowing what to see, hear and experience.

 As soon as the rented VHS tape was running, I was stuck like a barnacle on my seat shrieking silently without blinking an eye.   I was surprised to see Lea Salonga magnificently singing the part of Eponine.  Salonga was just perfectly phenomenal for the signature song of Eponine ‘On My Own’.  But the most chilling number was the “I Dream A Dream” song powerfully sang by Ruthie Henshall.  The concert was just a concert and it was not even the actual musical play but the emotional impact it gave me is far beyond the confines of my senses.

 Video City would not want to sell the said VHS during that time and I failed counting how many times I rented it out.  I suppose, the said tape spent more days in my house compared to the number of days it spent on the shelves of Video City.  I stopped renting it when I discovered the same concert in YouTube.

 Just last night, I stumbled into a website announcing the 25th year anniversary concert of the durable Les Miserables on October 3.  Surprisingly, Lea Salonga will be again in said concert singing the songs of Fantine this time.  There will be no more Video City to rent a VHS tape of this captivating 25th anniversary concert.  Therefore, I pray to the mighty Lord that He work on with His Holy Providence to grant me this awesome wish.  I wanna see it, I wanna feel it, I wanna hear it, I wanna experience it!

However, I’m running out of precious time because according to the official website, the tickets for 7:00 PM show is now sold out and there are few remaining tickets for the 3:00 PM matinee…  But my faith is so heavy-duty that miracles will happen and I am sooo convinced that I will be seeing myself inside the O2 Arena in London on October 3, 2010 at exactly 3:00 PM. 

Sana mali si Elsa ng sinabi nyang “Walang Himala!”

A Spectacular Jellicle Ball in Manila!

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My delicious body just attended the marvelous Jellicle Ball!  Thanks to Mrs. Eugene Billones and her family who chose me to be one of the recipients of a ticket to see Cats (The Musical).  We were seated at the balcony’s “high-end” parterre box next to the reserved box for President Noynoy Aquino (but he was a no-show!). 

Though I am not fond of the storyline, after watching Cats, I no longer wonder why this show is considered the 2nd longest running-show in Broadway!  It was awesome, it was colorful, it was pure entertainment!!!

The Manila run was an all-international cast except for Lea Salonga.  That is why I got a bit teary -eyed when a short Tagalog translation of Memory was sang by one of the foreign actors during the opening of Act2.  Everybody was surprised and was not expecting this little add-on or exclusive revision of this famous Broadway show.

The dance numbers were breathtakingly spectacular.  I was amazed by the double-windmill dance moves of Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer.  But the character who most impressed me when it comes to sensational dancing was Mistofelees!

Though the character of Lea Salonga being Grizabella (The ostracized Glamorous Cat) sang the most popular song in the show and Lea’s voice is the clearest with understandable words being sang, I particularly most enjoyed watching the introduction of Skimbleshanks (The Railway Cat) to the Jellicle Ball.  Skimbleshanks number was fun, the dance was very playful, the song sounds young and the props used were very innovative.

All in all Cats in Manila was fun, fun, fun!!!

Por syur, walang daga sa CCP ngayon… Meow!!!

There Must Be Something In The Water

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Aside from having its distinct language, the Filipinos are so unique in living its life as compared to other dwellers of this planet.

  1. Except for the feathers, we practically eat every part of the chicken: helmet (the head), leeg (neck), balunbalunan (gizzard); betamaks ( coagulated blood), isaw (intestines), adidas (feet).
  2.  We enjoy sipping softdrinks through a plastic straw contained in a cellophane as poured and transferred from the original bottle.
  3. We eat fresh pineapples dipped into bagoong (hot and salty sauted shrimp paste)
  4. Practically almost all Pinoys have cellphones; have access to the internet; can ride airconditioned trains, buses and taxis; can have electronic bank transactions; got 24/7 convenience stores; can obtain cheap airline tickets; etc. but we have yet to hear a Pinoy being interviewed on TV admitting that life is better now than a couple of years ago.
  5. A dramatic movie is no good without the sampalan (face-slapping) scene.
  6. We have the habit of interchanging “I” and “O” to “E” and “U” respectively.  (Examples are those dirty writings on the walls of Manila: Potang Ena Mu, Bawal umehi detu! May Molta!!!)
  7. Our spaghetti’s main ingredient is hot dog and sweet banana ketchup.
  8. Shoppers cannot see the naked toes of the sales ladies though they are required wear open-toed shoes because of the stockings they are wearing.
  9. We have the inclination of adding the letter H in our name (Example: from “Berting” to “Vherto” or “Gemma” to Ghemmah”)
  10. Everybody would not want to take the last piece of food on the serving plate.  Thinking that it is so un-cool and a sign of poverty stricken life otherwise known as being “dead-hungry” (patay-gutom).
  11. Foot-bridges are practically of no use but lodging areas of solvent-intoxicated souls.
  12. We have the liking for sweat excretions being printed on our vehicles — Katas ng Saudi; Katas ng Dubai; Katas ng Oman
  13. We know that bribery is a norm and it is uncomplicated to deal with a fixer than a legitimate but pain-in-the-butt public servant.
  14. Though we do not have winter but male celebrities in live variety shows on TV are always wearing jacket even if it is swelteringly hot and humid!
  15. We often witness that the streets are sometimes transformed into makeshift memorial chapels or funeral parlors.
  16. We hate other nations when we Filipinos are being discriminated abroad but we are incautious when we call a black man “Negro” or a  no-show fellow as “nang-Indian” or a mortal with body odor being “Amoy Bombay”.

Walang kakupas kupas…

Don’t Like What I Write Like

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I write like
Dan Brown

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

This worries me…  According to I Write Like, I write like Dan Brown.  I know that my writing style is better than Mr. Brown.  With smoke-wafting ear, let me announce my formal declaration of protest to this time-wasting viral statistical analysis computer software by Coding Robots!!! Dan Brown’s writing is merely a caricature.  My writing is not a caricature! It’s a bedlam lampoon!!! Hmpft!

 Yabang ko.

A Retail Therapy in Hong Kong

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Shopping in Hong Kong is a must!  This is especially true this particular season because it is a screaming half-the-price season now.  Armed with my stupendous haggling powers, I personally got the chance to do a little retail therapy (shopping) in this former English territory last weekend.

 My personal experience can be considered an epiphany since it confirmed that Hong Kong is one of the best shopping Mecca in the planet.   In Hong Kong, you will be besieged with signs saying “50% off”;  “Sale Only for Today”;  “Sale Happens Only Once A Year!” or “Removal Sale”.  This is not only because of the unpretentious prices but also of the efficient sales crews of the various shops.

 In Hong Kong the sales crew would delightfully encourage a buyer to offer me to bring two different sizes of the same design of clothes that I would like to fit inside the fitting room.  A sales lady actually chased me and insisted to fit a smaller size.  Unlike in Manila, sales lady would never offer such and I would usually ask permission to bring 2 sizes for me to try on.

 In Hong Kong the sales crew never forgot the moment to greet me as soon as I entered their store and never miss the chance to say thank you even if I did not purchase any item at all when I leave.  Unlike here in Manila the sales crew would give you a rude bad look if you fit on certain merchandise but leave the store without buying a single item making yourself so guilty for messing up their merchandise.

 In Hong Kong the sales crew would automatically call another branch if the item you wish to have is of different color or if the size you want is either smaller or bigger.  Unlike here in Manila, the sales lady would automatically say “wala” (“none”) even without lifting a finger or checking their storeroom or asking a colleague.

 Yun nga lang di ko maintindihan ang sinasabi ng mga Chekwa. 

No Sight of Website

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this is all you get...

Today is July 12, 2010.  It’s been 12 days that I have a new president – Benigno S. Aquino III.  However, as far as the global system of interconnected computer networks that serves billions of users worldwide, the Office of the Philippine President’s website is still closed. 

Is this a sign of poor public service ahead?  I hope I’m wrong, mistaken and incorrect.  At least his youngest freakin’ loud sister had Twitter and Facebook when she was still active in the showbiz limelight… 

With all the techies breathing the same polluted air of the country, the officials of the office of the highest post in the land doesn’t seem to tap even a single computer guru to update or at least open it.  I’m bitching because I want to be informed and it’s my right to be updated on what has been done, being done and planned to be done straight from the Commander in Chief.

 Ano ba yan?!  O baka walang signal sa Malacañang…

Almost Fooled by ‘Bench Uncut’

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‘When you determine the value of other people based on their physical appearance, it becomes much harder not to evaluate your own worth based on how you look.’  I am soo guilty as charged, especially right after watching for the first time the bi-annual Bench underwear fashion show last week! 

No thanks to this fashion show because it took me awhile to re-align my thoughts and reconfigure my brain cells that good looks based on the current standard created by commercial capitalism, like any other currency, tend to multiply among those who already have it.  But at the end of the day, while much of the world around us may determine our value (either in full or in part) by the way we look, we are free to maintain our own perspectives, minds and viewpoints.

Besides, I thought fashion designers claim that what they want from models is to look like a blank canvass on which to paint.  They want models to be with hanger-like features on which clothes becomes the most apparent aspect of the ensemble.  So how come, the models in Bench Uncut fashion show are better looking and more stunning than the clothes they are wearing? 

Moreover, I have yet to find a read or a write-up about this recent fashion show reviewing, praising or disparaging the Bench clothes and apparels that were featured.  All I read about are the who’s who that graced the show and who walked the ramp this year sporting their toned rectus abdominus and pectoralis major.  The clothes’ designs and structures – which should be the pinnacle part of the show – were totally never discussed.  Therefore, Bench Uncut Fashion Show can be considered as one big phony.  For me, it’s an artificial form of “fashion show”!!!

At dahil dyan, eh ano ngayon kung malaki ang bilbil mo?!