Category Archives: demented thoughts

Bunot Exercise Work Out

Posted on by
1

the native floor polisher

A lot of contemporary studies reveal that the cause of this generation’s obesity is due to modern technology.  People nowadays has very limited physical activities for they spend considerable amounts of their time in front of a computer or a state-of-the-art gadget.  Add to this are the sizeable amount of growth hormones injected on various foodstuff which the people of today consumes – noxious fried chickens, lard infested French fries, vein-blocking hamburgers and the likes.

But let me add another imposing reason why the citizens nowadays are plump, corpulent and overweight.  This is because bunot is no longer available in the market.  The ever reliable coconut husk commonly known as bunot used to polish our household floorings may it be made from cement, of natural stone or of fine timber virtually vanished and seems to have been wiped out in all our nearby stores.

No thanks to the invention of electric-run floor polishers, floor washing robots, wood polishing chemical formulas and lamella-layered veneer flooring tiles because we no longer exert the physically demanding effort of polishing manually our floors.

Polishing the floors then was such a calorie-burning episode! First, is to sweep the floor to get rid of dusts and small boulders that may be present on the floor.  Then, manually wiping the floors with bars of floor wax using a cloth, then, setting it for a couple of minutes for the wax to dry up.  Then, the severely demanding “pagbubunot” or pushing back and forth the coconut husk against the floor lodged at the palm of your foot and using the other foot to firmly step on the floor to maintain balance.  To maintain the multiple polishing movements of the legs and feet, the arms and shoulders needs to be of the opposite swaying movement while the body’s torso needs to maintain a 90 degree angle against the horizontal floor. Polishing is done using your foot and your leg pushing the bunot back and forth until the desired gloss and shiny-ness of the floor has been achieved.  Describing and writing how “pagbubunot” is done already makes me sweat!!!

I suppose bunot is basically one of the reasons why the generations in the past are sexier, leaner and are well in shape even if there were no expensive fitness centers in the past and liposuction procedures were yet to be invented.  Possessing a plump belly and flabby humps were something that is rather rare among the populace in the past.

So, if every citizen on this planet wants to keep fit and wants to achieve a lean, slim and sexy body, I propose that “bunot” be reintroduced back in all our nearby retail stores.  Besides, it’s earth-friendly, ecologically conservative, green and biodegradable.

Bunot lang ang katapat ng bilbil mo, hindi pasta.

Pinoy Nicknaming

Posted on by
Reply

If the Filipino advertising agency is to adopt the successful “Share a Coke” campaign done in Australia in 2011, one thing is certain, my name won’t be included.  The campaign removed the iconic Coca-cola logo from the bottles’ label and instead replaced it with about 100 different common first names in their country.  It was reported that there was about 32% increase in the sales of Coke in the first two weeks when the campaign was launched.

My name Neil won’t be included because here in the Philippines, its inhabitants has the habit of giving nicknames that simply duplicates the same syllable like Nene, Toto, Makmak, Leklek, Tintin, Jojo, Junjun, Lotlot, Maymay, Katkat, Bangbang, Kangkang, Tonton, Em-em, Jay-jay, Bibi, Gigi, Ar-ar, Tata.  Believe me.  I can go on and on and on.

Not only in terms of nicknaming people but there are other instances that we do it.  Here’s a few:

  •  “tiktik” – a name of a sleazy tabloid or it means to investigate
  • “kiskis” – meaning to polish
  • “siksik” – which means compacted
  • “sapsap” – a  name of a slipmouth fish
  •  “paspas” – meaning to speed-up
  • “bolabola” – the name we call a hawker’s fishballs
  • “labolabo” – meaning chaos or confusion
  • “major major” – part of the controversial answer of Ms. Philippines in 2010 Ms. Universe pageant which the rest of the world poked fun of

I am not a linguistic anthropologist who could explain this factual phenomenon.  But there must be something in the water that makes us do this agglutinative style.  We even name the vagina and penis in this manner…

Major major eng-eng!

 

Anticipating Hollywood Stars Sightings in Malate

Posted on by
Reply

"bourne legacy" teaser poster

Every working day, travelling from my 350 divided by 10 square meters condo unit to my office, I would instruct, demand and insist the taxi driver to traverse the streets of Leveriza, San Andres and J. Bocobo so as to reach my office located just across the Remedios Circle in Malate, Manila.  These highly populated streets are the shortest and speediest way for me to reach my office on a regular basis.

However, according to local news these streets and locations are the very sites where Jeremy Renner, Rachel Weisz, Edward Norton and the other stars of Bourne Legacy will shoot the film on January 18 and 19.  Now this posts a problem because for sure these narrow labyrinthine roads will either be closed for or filled with traffic.

repairing the Remedios Circle lamp posts

Just yesterday, I noticed that the rickety and long-overdue-needing-repair lamp posts around Remedios Circle were being restored and refurbished.  Moreover, the rundown parking slots in the corner of Remedios Circle and J. Bocobo street is being constructed with high-rise scaffolding which I suppose where the high-tech cameras will be installed and operated on the days of the shoot.

Despite all these, I will still pass by these roads on January 18 and 19 but will not take a cab anymore.  Instead, I will ride the ever reliable manually-operated padyak (foot-pedaled tricycle) while sporting my posh designer office clothes.  I also plan to bring along with me my prehistoric digital camera to take photos of these celebrities as remembrance.

However, I am still contemplating whether to bring me a pen and paper where the movie stars can sign their autographs since getting their elusive autographs seemed too farfetched.  Instead, in keeping with the circa 70’s and 80’s tradition of a true Filipino fan (ala Germspecial or GMA Super Show – famous but now defunct Filipino Sunday noontime shows hosted by German Moreno), I will bring lots of Sampaguita leis to hang and drape around their respective necks.  The amount of these flower garlands that I will put around their neck would be so plenty, only the foreheads of these Hollywood stars would be visible.  Here in the Philippines during the 70’s and 80’s the higher the leis that hang on a celebrity’s neck the more sikat (popular and admired) he or she is.

No way will I instruct the padyak driver to take a different route since I expect to experience rare Hollywood star sightings, the Malate version.

Yihee, may rason na akong hwag umabsent sa mga araw nayan…

Possible Consequences of the Newly Unveiled Philippine Tourism Slogan – It’s More Fun In The Philippines

Posted on by
Reply

Since the Philippines has started to guilelessly emphasize its tourist destinations to be “more” fun as compared to other destinations in the planet, the tourism bureau, ministries and departments of other countries will definitely contemplate and strategize on challenging the slogan recently unveiled by the country’s Department of Tourism.

If you are to put yourself into the shoes of tourism executives of other countries, would you just sit down and buy this blunt claim and proclamation of the Philippines?  Definitely not.  Having more than five or ten times the budget of the Philippine tourism department, you being a tourism executive of your country will never allow such claim and will definitely carry out ways and strategies to prove the Philippines wrong.  A case in point, the United States of America, without spending a dime released a travel advisory discouraging its citizens to travel to the southern part of the Philippines two days after the controversial slogan was unveiled.

If you are a proud and loyal inhabitant of another country, would you allow the citizens of the Philippines to claim that they’re having more fun in their place than yours? Definitely not.  You would not even think or plan of going there (in the Philippines) so that tourist arrival would not improve and prove that such claim is wrong.  Or worst, you would travel to the Philippines – have yourself easily be subjected to holda-fun, kidna-fun or carna-fun – and with a breeze can announce that the slogan is a wrong claim and say that your home country is more fun.

If you are a Filipino travelling outside the Philippines, you would definitely meet the locals.  In such meeting circumstance, you would tell them that you are a tourist from the Philippines.  At some point you would try to encourage the locals – in support for the Philippine tourism – to visit the Philippines.  But when you would be asked why should they go here, would you say “It’s more fun in the Philippines”?  Definitely not.  This will only show that you are somewhat not enjoying your travel in their country and would rather be in the Philippines.  Thus, two possible things will happen to you.  You would be either brought by these locals to their worst and most boring places because of your arrogance or you would be taken to their most exciting venues and events for you to have the best time of your life to prove to you that the Philippine tourism department’s slogan is wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, Philippines is fun.  But I guess I need more convincing to be swayed by this new slogan…

Hala! Paano na?

Annexing the Anti-Epal Bill

Posted on by
1

Every time I see a billboard indicating the name and face of a government official on an infrastructure project being developed I don’t know whether to laugh hysterically or to start throwing big bulky things on it.  Because what I want and need to see is not their big smiling faces but: (i) the cost of the project; (ii) the expected date of completion; (iii) its purpose; and, (iv) the government agency involved.  At this point, I would like to commend the brilliant bill passed by Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago dubbed as the Anti-Epal Bill.

Currently undergoing deliberations, Santiago’s bill is formally entitled “An Act of Prohibiting Public Officers from Claiming Credit through Signage Announcing a Public Works Project”.  I suppose this is one of the most sensible bills to have been passed this year!  It deserves immediate passing into law.

But upon reading the complete text of the proposed bill, there seem to be four glaring epal circumstances that were left uncovered which I hope should also be included in the proposed bill that is rampantly being carried out by a lot of government offices:

  • the names and hideous faces of public officials on ambulances and government-owned vehicles;
  • the photos of rhinoceros-looking barangay captains on barangay clearances;
  • the pathetic photos of mayors on business permits and licenses; and,
  • the atrocious tarpaulins of government officials (of course with their obnoxious smiling faces) hanged along the streets to greet their constituents Happy Fiesta or Happy Valentines.

It is such a shame that such a dynamic, current and remarkable bill would actually come from a 66 year old senator.  I’m a bit disappointed because I expected the much younger lawmakers to draft this kind of a bill.  Or maybe these young and claims to be fresh and more sensible lawmakers have already been devoured by the old and corrupted epal system.

Now, I know that this bill will be very unpopular among government elected and appointed officials.  So in case this will not turn into a law, may I suggest then that instead of just the face of the concerned politician, the signage must bare the picture of his/her whole family.  With 70+ kids, just imagine how the photo of former Senator Ramon Revilla Sr. would look like.

Plis, plis, plis, only in the Pilipins…

Human-Energy-Generated Power Plant

Posted on by
2

People invent because the human mind is always at work.  Brilliant human beings can turn salty sea water to potable drinking water, they invented the mobile phone, the TV, the internet and of course the computer.

While doing my 30-minute thread mill in Slimmers World, I realized that so much human energy is exerted yet wasted when people exercise at the gym.  I have been a gym freak for the past eight years (though my delicious body doesn’t seem to show it!).  I suppose the accumulated energy I have poured into using the thread mill and various gym equipments if converted into electrical volts are enough to run one humongous electric power plant.

I also realized that only if a not-yet-invented gadget that can convert human energy to electric energy be attached to all those gym equipment, this poor country need not allocate a big amount of money in buying oil, coal and gas to supplement the energy needs of its populace.  The converter-gadget should then be attached to the transmission lines towards one or two power generators that will distribute electricity to operate domestic appliances, office equipment and even industrial machineries.

This crazy thought may actually not be farfetched.  Just take the case of various luxury wristwatches available in the market that need not be run by batteries but powered by kinetic energy, i.e. a wristwatch would run perfectly when worn due to constant body movements but would stop when taken off.  My idea I suppose is just of a grander scale.

If this converter-gadget will then be invented, just imagine if this will be attached to the mattresses of all beds of this country’s resorts, hotels and motels.  That would create the biggest power plant in the universe!

Ito ang dulot ng blakong utak at naiinip na matapos ang paglakad sa letcheng tredmil na yan!

NAIA should aim to be The Most Honest & Most Caring Airport

Posted on by
Reply

With the advent of NAIA being named as the worst airport in the world and with the long over-due plans of improving it, the government neither the Manila International Airport Authority (MIAA) should not aim for the-now-hideous NAIA to become the best airport in the world.  With the constant improvements in their respective airports done by richer countries, NAIA will never become the best airport in the world.  But instead, MIAA should aim for NAIA to be the most honest and most caring airport in the world.  This goal I guess is more feasible.

Present people working in NAIA seem to have imbibed the distorted culture of corruption, thievery and extortion.  Sorry if I maybe too harsh but that is the image they project.  And that is how I and a lot of travelers perceive them to be.  Not all workers in NAIA, if I may say, are like these but those crooked individuals seem to have effectively impinged everyone.

Because if all people working in NAIA will simply be caring and be honest, everything else will follow like: (i) the sky rocketing 8.5 billion pesos annual collection from terminal fees will be used on where it is supposed to be used, i.e. facilities upgrade and improvement; (3) it will encourage reputable restaurants and boutiques to operate business in the airport; and (iii) a feeling of a more welcomed and more secured 10.5 million passengers that passed through NAIA every year.

I may want NAIA to be grand, luxurious and elegant but for now all I need NAIA to be is simply be caring and be honest.

Sin verguenza mahabaging langit! Umayos ka.

My My Sharona Itch

Posted on by
Reply

There are two events I always remember every time the song My Sharona by The Knack is played on the radio.  First is when I was still a young soul – who is not yet ear-fatigued from club music – me and my sister Jocel would make sure to proceed to the dance floor in high spirits to strut and bop every time the DJ plays this mind-blowing tune.   Second is the amazing scene in the movie Reality Bites when the song was played inside a convenience store and was asked by Jeanene Garafolo to turn up the music for them to hoof, twist and hustle.  After watching that scene, I always itched and wondered how it feels like to sing and dance freely along the aisles of a grocery store.

Today, I caught a Youtube video that somehow animated my secret wonder.  It’s Sara Bareilles (who claimed to have difficulty doing the dance routine) strutting her stuff inside a Mexican supermarket. It’s so insane!! It made me laugh at the end of the video because the last scene would most likely what would happen to me in case I would take the risk of fulfilling this infatuation.

Oo, aym so wird…

My CityVille

Posted on by
Reply

The once popular city-building simulation game developed by Zynga called CityVille has been eating and consuming a considerable amount of my delicious time.  As of this writing I already reached level 79.  I actually do not know what is its peak or its highest level.  While a lot of people have moved on with other games like using bird’s anger in killing pigs or busy changing their cyberspace Sims lifestyle, I still have no plans of stopping the development of my city just yet. (I guess I need to ‘get a life’).

CityVille has given me the opportunity to at least know how it feels to own, run and develop a city which may never transpire during the course of my precious life.  Or if in case I am actually destined to develop and operate a city similar to Ayala Land or Palafox Associates, I then have at least basic background and little knowledge on urban planning.

At present this bewildering chunk of a game has no apparent connection to my personal life.  It is actually a plain and simple way of wasting time in which I should have diverted to doing more worthy activities like cleaning my house or reading a book. Maybe in the near future, it would be my virtual reminder on how stupid I used to be.

Its artificial, its time consuming yet fun and exciting.  You may wonder how I would look like in my internet-simulated empire.  This is how I depict myself in that city…

Pengeng Zoning Permit!!!

Ang ngalan ng CityVille ko ay Baranggay Malinamnam. Parang ako lang.

Filipino is the Language of the Advantaged

Posted on by
Reply

After reading the full text and while we are in the midst of all rants and negative reactions from the recent article written by James Soriano (entitled Language, Leaning, Identity, Privilege) published in Manila Bulletin website, the first thought that entered my mind is that childish Soriano has yet to experience the advantage of speaking a unique language.

I think Soriano will only appreciate the Filipino language not by just reading the classic and one of the masterpieces of Philippine literature entitled Florante at Laura or by merely listening to the Filipino language calisthenics of Fliptop (the modern day Balagtasan in rap form) but by going out to tour another country with a fellow Filipino.

Filipino language can be a great tool for safety if you are out of the country.  One specific case in point is when I and a fellow Pinoy went to Morocco.  We planned to walk and tour the labyrinthine medina in Fez but when we arrived at the gate of the walled city, we felt a sense of danger of being mobbed.  I and my friend spoke in Filipino so that no Morrocan can understand what would be our immediate plan so as to be safe.  Still in Morocco, when we ride a jampacked train we would speak in Filipino to remind each other to mind our belongings from pick pockets.  In this way, we can continuously enjoy our journey by staying safe and cautious without the locals ever knowing that we are suspicious of some of the locals behind or in front of us.

When you are on tour out of the country, Filipino language can be a mode to blurt out over the top emotions of anger when the situation calls for it just to steam out your feelings without offending a local.  When me and my family went to Guangzhou China (as part of our Hong Kong tour package), the tourist guide led us to one of the bargain shopping malls.  In one of the electronic stores, I tried to haggle with a store attendant to lower down the price of a memory card.  The sales representative was a pain in the neck with his demeanor.  I did not buy the memory card and before I stepped out of his store, I shook his hand, smiled at him and told him “Gago Ka!”  The sales attendant was smiling at me when I left his store.

At the other end of the spectrum, Filipino language can be a mode to steam out your uncontrollable infatuation without embarrassing yourself towards a local without this people ever knowing that you are ablaze with their looks.  When I and a friend went to Blue Mountains in New South Wales, Australia we need to take a bus ride from the town of Katoomba.  As we get up the bus, my friend noticed that the Caucasian bus driver was strikingly good looking.  We sat on the available seats just behind the driver.  While the bus is running, my friend could no longer contain her scrutiny about the bus driver and told me, “Grabe HR and gwapo ng nagmamaneho.”  With her usual comical and mischievous nature she told me in her normal sounding voice, “Siguro pinkish ang titi nyan!”  We laugh out loud throughout the bus ride without the driver and other passengers knowing what we were talking about.

Now for Mr. Soriano, one piece of advice, get out of the country with a Filipino fellow and enjoy, realize and appreciate the advantages of speaking Filipino.  You will surely use your pandiwa, pang-uri, pang-abay, pantangi and panghalip.

Kasi naman… Nagmamagaling… Di naman kagalingan…