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About heavenliner

a twisted little soul... people see me to be so delicious they sometimes want to eat me...

Weiner in Melaka

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Early this year when I was at Osaka in Japan, I found pussy in Namba Parks  (press this LINK if you wish to read this hilarious post).  Last week during a long weekend in Malaysia, I found a weiner in Melaka.

Titi is a Tagalog word when translated in English would mean a man’s love-stick, prick, or pecker.  For a nicer and more appropriate label it is the male genitalia.

While passing through one narrow street inside Chinatown in Melaka, I and my colleagues noticed the signage of Titi Art Gallery.  Without hesitation we mindlessly took a photo of it.  It was for us hilarious and was actually laughing out loud wondering what interesting pieces of art could be inside.

Initially, I thought the gallery would feature the “helmeted yogurt slinger” in various artistic media.  But of course I am wrong because the gallery sells gorgeous drawings and paintings.  The reputed art works were even hailed and endorsed by UNESCO as indicated in one of its posters.

The gallery’s owner was the one who welcomed us and instinctively guessed that we were Filipinos simply because of our laughter.  He said that he knew we were Filipinos because his gallery receives the same reception and reaction from Filipino tourists in Melaka from the past.  He was nevertheless gentle and accommodating enough to explain that “titi” in Chinese means little or younger brother and when translated in Malay language would mean a small bridge.

The paintings and drawings were actually stunning but it was a bit pricey for our budget so we simply say thanks and bid goodbye to the gallery’s owner.

But since my brain’s dendrites were functioning very well after a cup of coffee from a nearby shop, I realized that the Chinese and Malay translation for titi is basically close to that of Tagalog.  Why?  It is because a lot of androcentric jocks consider their pecker as their little brother.  Also, a man’s joystick when interloped inside a love-hole would be the small bridge where the huge army of seeds or jellyfishes will have to cross so as to create a human being.  Thus, Tagalog, Chinese and Malay’s definition of titi is fundamentally the same.

In peyrnes, di madulas sa tindahan ni manong!

Photos of Malaysia

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Today is Malaysia Day.  Let me commemorate this day by posting few and selected photos I shot while I was in Malaysia last week (and were enhanced using Instagram and Photo360 apps).  This is my second venture into the world of photography…

title: malaysian-chinese temple

title: merdeka

title: petronas

Maleysha, Truli Eysha…

Ceramic Tile Painting in Melaka

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mr. ho, the ceramic tile painter

Along Temple Street in Melaka, Malaysia there sits a long-haired Chinese-Malay looking man who introduced himself as Mr. Ho.  He seems to enjoy smoking cigar from a classic looking wooden pipe during what seem to be a lazy afternoon in Melaka.  While smoking from his pipe, he paints on ceramic tiles that depict colorful mini-replicas of antique European china as well as artistic facades of mansions and colonial buildings found in Melaka.

Looking through the walls of his artworks inside his gallery I was bitten by an artistic bug.  I was easily mesmerized by the colors, artistry and intricacy of his work.  It was like an out of body experience.  Though with a limited budget, I purchased myself one of his works mounted inside a stylish wooden frame.

inside mr. ho’s gallery

my purchase, entitled: “melakan malay courtyard”

a closer look

the written description at the back of the frame

Mr. Ho was courteous enough to allow me to take his photo while he does his painting on one of his ceramic tiles.  Good thing though, I asked for his name because when I stepped out of his shop there was no signage to fully document this artistic experience.

Ma-pintahan nga ang mga tayls sa banyo!

Dress Code in Heaven?

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Resorts World Casino at Genting Highlands in Malaysia refused to accept fashionably dressed people in their establishment.  I was in my premium Japanese-branded spring/summer ensemble – three-fourths cut sleeved plaid shirt matched with rust-colored twill shorts, trendy almond-toed gray loafers and of course premium branded underwear – all in extra fine cotton fabric when I was refused entry.

The security at the entrance door refused me entry because according to him I was in shorts cut above the knee.  While being reprimanded, I wanted to answer back the uncouth obsolescent security officer that shorts cut below the knee are sooo ‘90s!  The security officer and the Genting Highlands management in itself do not realize that the cost of my chic and trendy shorts would probably be more expensive than the gown worn by the lady who entered before me at their starting-to-dilapidate entrance hall.

Too bad, Genting Casino refused me entry simply because of my chichi-looking shorts when in fact I was all ready to splurge millions of ringgits in their establishment which in a way can help rehabilitate their somewhat old and outmoded facilities.  Instead, me and my colleagues settled for the nearby Starbucks.

inside the church in kuala lumpur

Later in the afternoon, I joined my colleagues’ plan to hear the Holy Mass celebrated in one of the few Catholic churches in Kuala Lumpur.  I was hesitant to join at first because I might also be refused entry because I was still in my chic fashionable shorts.  I thought that if hell (the casino) can refuse me entry it is by all means that heaven (church) would definitely not allow me in.

But while making my way under the roof of heaven here on earth no one frisked or stopped me.  And when I was regenerated by prayers and while stepping out of the church, I realized that heaven is truly more fashionable than hell.

Kaya mag-shorts kung plano mo ng mamatay.

Vogue-ing Baguio: The Potential Fashion Capital of the Philippines

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i can never wear this ensemble in manila

I always believe that fashion is governed by the temperature.  People for sure dress up differently when they go up to Baguio.  It’s a strange thing that happens unconsciously.  You can’t just pack a simple shirt, singlet, shorts and jeans when going up to spend a day or two in Baguio.  That is why for me cool breezy Baguio City has the full potential to become the fashion capital of the Philippines.

People in the Pine City can wear lots of layers, lots of dark or neutral colored fabrics and lots of accessories to go with it.   Baguio can have warm sunny days from March to July and very cold weather from August until the end of February which means it is but logical to see true shifts in wardrobe throughout the year.

In Manila or other places in the Philippines that has invariable temperature donning in a trench coat or wrapping your neck with a scarf would simply be laughable.  When a lady feels cold in Manila, which is never an outdoor occurrence but usually inside a cinema, a mall or a hotel, she would simply wrap herself with a shawl or ask somebody to adjust the aircon.  But in Baguio, when it’s cold outside you would have to have chic overcoats, trendy scarves, stylish knitted hats and even fashionable knee-high leather boots.  Thus, you could simply play dress up!

Too bad, only few Baguio inhabitants seem to have embraced the idea that their place can be the true fashion capital of this country because of the climate.  They are so drawn with Manila-fashion they do not realize that they can actually improvise and vogue-up the Pinoy fashion which could flicker worldwide fad, craze and attention.

Yeah, living in Manila looks good but staying in Baguio feels good.  If Baguio is a drink, it is a Martini while Manila is an Iced Tea.  When it comes to fashion, Manila is the Los Angeles of the Philippines but Baguio can be its New York.

Hoy Baguio gising!

Bus Movies

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On a long journey via bus what do you usually do? Are you the type who would bring tons of salty chips to nibble? Are you the forty winks aficionado? Are you the bus’ bookworm? Are you the creature who would simply gaze outside the window?  Or are you the beast who would drain your battery’s digital gizmo?

Very long travels by bus could be very daunting.  That is why a lot of bus companies try to be innovative by introducing various facilities available inside these massive roadsters – free WiFi; cool drinks and sandwiches for sale; air conditioning; toilet facility; shock-proof LCD flat screen TV with DVD player; reclining chairs, etc.  These add-on features aims to further enhance passenger’s comfort over a lengthy journey.

I have been to two long journeys via transit buses in the past week (first was an 8-hour journey to Baguio and just the other day was the two-and-a-half-hour travel to Magalang, Pampanga).  Adding up all the hours I spent inside the bus on a round-trip-basis would be a total of 21 hours.

While inside those buses, I was all the types I inquired above.  But what I noticed every time a movie will have to be played on TV inside a Filipino bus, the film has to be a Hollywood movie.  I will not rant about the pirated DVD being used by these bus companies but instead the type of movie being shown.

I guess it would have been better and my focus would have been more stuck on TV if the movie being shown were the black and white 50’s and 60’s Filipino film that were shown in the pinalakang tabing (silver screen).  The time spent inside the bus could have been more pleasant and comforting seeing the young and stunning Gloria Romero, the then skinny Dolphy and plump Panchito and Dely Atay-atayan, the bubbly Rosemarie Sonora, debonair Mario Montenegro as well as suave Rogelio Dela Rosa or Diomedes Maturan.  The Pinoy film to be shown would be at its best if, of course, the contrabida (villain) would be the wicked Bella Flores.

Further to this suggestion, it would be best if contemporary Filipino short indie films would be featured in between these classic full length movies.  This I guess would be one great vehicle for the unrecognized and undistributed yet artistic short indie films gain wider viewership.

If this fantasy would turn out to become a reality in the future, this would improve and further bind Pinoy cultural cohesiveness.  It presents the Pinoy film heritage and at the same time makes the riding public aware of the richness of the prevailing film industry.

Spending bus hours on the road could have been more comfortable and enjoyable!

Ang Tagalog ng bas ay bus.

Colors of Abe’s Farm by a Newbie in Photography

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Here is my first venture into the world of photography using only my iPhone as my tool as well as the wonders of photo apps, Instagram and Camera360.  As a newbie, I decided to start with landscape, still life and plants as my subject using only the natural light.  These photos were taken at Abe’s Farm located in Magalang, Pampanga.

You be the judge if I have the inkling and if this could be my possible fallback career…

title: wooden wheel

title: wind chimes

luggage

title: blue stones and a pathway

title: bricks column

title: modern hut

title: violet tips

But then again, Abe’s Farm is such a beautiful place any clear, sharp and on-focus shot you make still ends-up being very nice.

Konti pang praktis!

Filipino Language In A Hit Hollywood Movie During The Language Month

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August is the Philippines’ Language Month.  It is but so fitting that in this month the movie Bourne Legacy was shown in cinemas worldwide.  It is so apt because there were a lot of times when the Filipino-Tagalog language was uttered in the said movie.

In one scene female lead star Rachel Weisz was being advised by a Tagalog-speaking pharmacist-vendor about the medicines she is buying.  Rachel responded and looks as if she understood. And since a lot of scenes were depicted and shot in Manila it is but inevitable to hear Tagalog spoken from the background.  There was one scene that I laughed out hard since the cursing in Filipino was smacking solid!

And of course, aside from enjoying a witty yet action-packed movie, I was delighted at the end part of the film when the lead star Jeremy Renner spoke one Tagalog word.  He uttered “salamat” when he thanked the son of a boatman who helped them escape from their foes by sailing away from Manila and heads for Palawan.

Hearing the Filipino-Tagalog language spoken in an international hit Hollywood movie during the Language Month is quite refreshing.  Because in the last Hollywood film which I saw where Tagalog language was spoken, my native tongue is being uttered by the devil.

constantine starring keanu reeves

It was in the movie entitled Constantine starring Keanu Reeves.  In the first scene of the movie, a lady was being possessed by the devil and while being on a mad trace she threats and curses in Tagalog.  I can still clearly recall the young kid watching in front of me seated with his dad inside the cinema became so upset and distressed telling his father in a very dreary tone that the devil is a Filipino.

He said, “Ay Papa, ba’t ganun? Ang demonyo pala ay Filipino.” (Translation: “Hey Papa, why is it like that?  The devil is a Filipino.)  He cried, hugged his dad and turned traumatized because I guess he realized that the spoken language in hell is Tagalog.  Hahaha! Good thing though, Constantine was not shown in the month of August, otherwise, I would be insulted.

Salamat Jeremy, salamat Rachel pero no tenks kay Keyanu at sa demonyu.

Farewell To You “Tukayo”

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neil armstrong

It is believed that in 500 years, people of this planet will forget about wars, calamities and even its world leaders but will never fail to disregard the time when a man first stepped on the moon.  Actually, people have difficulty recalling the names of the men who stepped on the moon but definitely not Neil Armstrong, the first man who did it.  I’m pretty sure planet Earth until it blows itself into smithereens will forever remember him.

I do not have any relation or association with Neil Armstrong except for my name.  He is my tukayo (a friendly Filipino way of calling a person having the same first name as one’s self).  Nengkoy and Joe named me after this iconic hero.  Being the root and basis of my appellation I have always felt a close connection with this man.  His name is forever on my birth certificate, my signature and of course will be on my gravestone hopefully in a very distant future.

That is why I am saddened to know that my tukayo has passed away.  It felt like the beautiful birthmark on my skin that I have been so proud of has suddenly disappeared.  I feel like I lost the chieftain of the tribe whom I belong.

He may now be gone but the gigantic scientific achievement he has contributed represents one of the peaks of humanity’s progress.  He is definitely one great ambassador of the human species.  And I’m damn proud that I was named after him!

Paalam tukayo…

Cab Drivers of Civilized Baguio

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I like Baguio.  After staying for a long weekend in this city located at the northern part of the Philippines, it made me realize that it is the more civilized version of Manila.

Green parks and beautiful landscapes, limited number of mendicants, rosy pimple-free skins of charming inhabitants, pedestrian-courteous motorists, less congested streets, breathable air, healthy produce, efficient services and a no smoking city with limited cigarette smoking spots were remarkably impressive.  Aside from all these, what really impressed me about Baguio are its cab drivers.

green breathable park of baguio

In wicked Manila, taxi drivers don’t know the concept of “change fund” and almost always never give you the exact change for your payment.  Your change is always rounded off to the next tenth of your fare, i.e. if your fare is worth 72.50 pesos and you handed a 100-peso bill ridiculous drivers would only give you 20 bucks as your change.  Insisting that you have been short-changed and demanding for the remaining change is like inviting hostilities and luring dangerous confrontations.  They would usually justify in an unfriendly douchebag manner that they don’t have smaller bills or loose change to fulfill your demand.

Stumbling upon a Manila cab driver who is nice and runs a spotless vehicle and will give you all your change is like finding a little miracle in itself in this city.  I don’t require cab drivers to smile or converse with me while traversing the streets of the metro, giving me my exact change is all that I need.

But in Baguio civilized, honest, fair and courteous cab drivers abound.  It was so surprising that these drivers issue the exact change.  I actually thought I was vacationing in a very civilized first world country when I counted the exact change handed to me by the driver.  This may be too trifling for something to be amazed about, but for me after having been subjected to a galaxy of horrors by Manila cab drivers, such character is something to smile and acclaim about.

These drivers are one of the first inhabitants that a tourist would encounter in Baguio and usually the last ones to be engaged with when leaving the city.  No doubt, these motorists gave me a good impression about the City of Pines.

Hoy sukli ko?!