Tag Archives: philippines

The Tragic Sales of Nail Cutters and Key Chains

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nail cutter-cum-key chain-cum-bottle opener coutesy of edwin santos

While cutting my fingernails I suddenly realized that sales of key chain and nail cutters are most probably on its peak here in the Philippines and may be at its lowest ever in Hong Kong history.  This is maybe because there are few Pinoys who would dare visit and go to Hong Kong now since the wounds from the recent Manila August 23 hostage tragedy has yet to fully heal.

Very few Pinoys would have the courage to tour Hong Kong now, thus, there are few Pinoy tourists who would buy the two of the cheapest yet most popular souvenir trinkets available in the streets of Hong Kong.  These are either the key chain or the nail cutter or the two-in-one nail-cutter-key-chain kind.  I have been a usual recipient of these pasalubong-s (presents) from friends who had short visit to Hong Kong an astonishing reason why I don’t need to buy it here in the Philippines.

O sha na.  Mahaba na ang kuko ko.

Analyses on Venus Raj Q&A

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It has been less than 24 hours but multitudes of people have been judging, mocking or are still in the process of making fun on the answer given by Ms. Philippines to the question asked by one of the judges in the recently concluded Ms. Universe 2010.  I personally believed that she was thrown with the toughest question.

But if you are to fully analyze the question “What is one big mistake in your life? And what did you do to make it right?” it’s like demanding the candidate in front of jillions of people at the arena and viewers around the world to reveal and confess one huge personal blunder that she has done.  Now, if you are Ms. Philippines, would you reveal it?  Would you have the guts to uncover it?  Would you dare make it public? I’m pretty sure you won’t!

That is why those who had an abortion; those who are drug or alcohol addicted; those who had pre-marital sex; those who are secretly married; those who had sex with their boyfriend or girlfriend’s best friend; those who are cheats and thieves; those who silently farted and made a public uproar out from the released stink-bomb; those who had an episode of violating God’s Ten Commandments; and those who had any form of booboo who has kept it in themselves and refused to reveal it, you actually have no right whatsoever to poke fun at the answer given by the 4th Runner Up of this year’s Ms. Universe Pageant!

For those who consider themselves to be an open-book and does not seem to keep a secret blooper and would proudly raise that they could have answered the question better, my only advice to you is to join first the local pageant here in the Philippines (Binibining Pilipinas) and see for yourself if you can actually land the top plum of the contest to represent our country in the next Ms. Universe.  I’m fairly sure you’re not even qualified to join Binibining Pilipinas!

Now let me personally analyze the answer given by Ms. Philippines. With gentle grace and respect exhibited by Ms. Philippines to the not-so-respectable judge who asked her, she responded “In my 22 years of existence, I can say there is nothing major (major) problem that I have done because I am very confident with my family with the love that they are giving to me.”  It’s like saying “It’s none of your damn business, Mr. Baldwin! And I refuse to answer such a half-witted private question in front of this considerable number of people!” Thus, it’s a case of giving a stupid answer to a stupid question.  At least she was stunningly graceful and incredibly tactful!

With these analyses I therefore conclude that Ms. Philippines did a great job during the Q&A.  Congratulations!

World Pis sa ebri wan…

What If Ninoy…

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With today’s commemoration on the death anniversary of Ninoy Aquino Sr., the incredible modern day Filipino hero, have you ever wondered what if Ninoy did not decide to come home to the Philippines exactly 27 years ago?  What if Ninoy chose to stay in the US, enjoy the Boston hospitality and settle for a more peaceful life with his family on American soil?

These are some of my freaking thoughts…

  1. The image of Ferdinand Marcos is on the Philippine 500 peso bill;
  2. MIA (Manila International Airport) would have not been changed to NAIA but will remain MIA but with a different denotation, i.e. Marcos International Airport
  3. Cory would have not been the 11th president of the republic but Imelda
  4. Pido Dida movie starring the late Rene Requiestas and Kris would have not been a blockbuster
  5. Noynoy would have not been the 15th president of the republic but Bong Bong
  6. Imee would be the partner host of Boy Abunda in The Buzz and the she is the present host of Pilipinas Win Na Win
  7. Cager James Yap would not be in a whirlwind situation right now and should be enjoying a life with his son whose mother is not the self-absorbed Kris
  8. Imee would have been the Queen of All Media but not the tactless, conniving and calculative kind who would do anything just to stay in the spotlight
  9. The great, crucial and momentous People Power is a non-existent type of revolution in this country
  10. I would have not been writing this blog

Ano nga kaya?

There Must Be Something In The Water

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Aside from having its distinct language, the Filipinos are so unique in living its life as compared to other dwellers of this planet.

  1. Except for the feathers, we practically eat every part of the chicken: helmet (the head), leeg (neck), balunbalunan (gizzard); betamaks ( coagulated blood), isaw (intestines), adidas (feet).
  2.  We enjoy sipping softdrinks through a plastic straw contained in a cellophane as poured and transferred from the original bottle.
  3. We eat fresh pineapples dipped into bagoong (hot and salty sauted shrimp paste)
  4. Practically almost all Pinoys have cellphones; have access to the internet; can ride airconditioned trains, buses and taxis; can have electronic bank transactions; got 24/7 convenience stores; can obtain cheap airline tickets; etc. but we have yet to hear a Pinoy being interviewed on TV admitting that life is better now than a couple of years ago.
  5. A dramatic movie is no good without the sampalan (face-slapping) scene.
  6. We have the habit of interchanging “I” and “O” to “E” and “U” respectively.  (Examples are those dirty writings on the walls of Manila: Potang Ena Mu, Bawal umehi detu! May Molta!!!)
  7. Our spaghetti’s main ingredient is hot dog and sweet banana ketchup.
  8. Shoppers cannot see the naked toes of the sales ladies though they are required wear open-toed shoes because of the stockings they are wearing.
  9. We have the inclination of adding the letter H in our name (Example: from “Berting” to “Vherto” or “Gemma” to Ghemmah”)
  10. Everybody would not want to take the last piece of food on the serving plate.  Thinking that it is so un-cool and a sign of poverty stricken life otherwise known as being “dead-hungry” (patay-gutom).
  11. Foot-bridges are practically of no use but lodging areas of solvent-intoxicated souls.
  12. We have the liking for sweat excretions being printed on our vehicles — Katas ng Saudi; Katas ng Dubai; Katas ng Oman
  13. We know that bribery is a norm and it is uncomplicated to deal with a fixer than a legitimate but pain-in-the-butt public servant.
  14. Though we do not have winter but male celebrities in live variety shows on TV are always wearing jacket even if it is swelteringly hot and humid!
  15. We often witness that the streets are sometimes transformed into makeshift memorial chapels or funeral parlors.
  16. We hate other nations when we Filipinos are being discriminated abroad but we are incautious when we call a black man “Negro” or a  no-show fellow as “nang-Indian” or a mortal with body odor being “Amoy Bombay”.

Walang kakupas kupas…

No Sight of Website

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this is all you get...

Today is July 12, 2010.  It’s been 12 days that I have a new president – Benigno S. Aquino III.  However, as far as the global system of interconnected computer networks that serves billions of users worldwide, the Office of the Philippine President’s website is still closed. 

Is this a sign of poor public service ahead?  I hope I’m wrong, mistaken and incorrect.  At least his youngest freakin’ loud sister had Twitter and Facebook when she was still active in the showbiz limelight… 

With all the techies breathing the same polluted air of the country, the officials of the office of the highest post in the land doesn’t seem to tap even a single computer guru to update or at least open it.  I’m bitching because I want to be informed and it’s my right to be updated on what has been done, being done and planned to be done straight from the Commander in Chief.

 Ano ba yan?!  O baka walang signal sa Malacañang…

Dreaming of Super Power Philippines

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After finishing my morning ritual of hand-grinding my Sumatra coffee beans and savouring the aroma that filled my Indonesian-inspired kitchen, I left my mansion in the posh village located in Pasay.  I was driven in my white Sarao limousine by a British-national driver sent to me by the British labour agency.

While inside the car, I checked my e-mail sent to me by my Norwegian secretary.  When I opened my Kyowa-labelled computer, it indicated that I will have a late lunch meeting with the economic power brokers who run the world’s economy.  These guys are from Bangladesh, Somalia and Afghanistan – earth’s most powerful economies after the Philippines.

But my meeting with these men will be before I have personally interviewed the line-up of immigrants from poverty-stricken US and Canada applying as housekeepers and gardeners in my mansion.  Mother Nengkoy wanted me to personally screen these people from these 3rd world countries because her previous laundry-ladies from extremely poor Ireland and Switzerland were such lazy fools.

After my short but influential meetings with the power brokers, I would have to have a tea-break with my friends from Haiti and Mongolia – the planet’s next superpowers (of course after the Philippines).  My secretary told me that my tea-break will be at 7-star Sogo Hotel in the high-end with lush-greenery of  Baseco Compound.  I promised to let my Haitian and Mongolian friends to taste Tsaang Gubat, the most expensive tea in the solar system.

While I am driven to my high-tech newly renovated office located in the commercial district of Sitio Magdalena in Tondo, Manila, I received a phone call from a good and incalculably wealthy friend who is inviting me to have a long weekend vacation in Ethiopia.  She expressed that Ethiopia now has the grandest museum.  I agreed to go to affluent and well-heeled Ethiopia this weekend but I disagree that it has the grandest museum because the Philippines have the largest and most technologically advanced museum.  Philippines’ National Museum now located in Sapang Palay Bulacan owns and houses pieces that were previously seen in Vatican Museum, New York Metropolitan, Hermitage in Russia and Muse Du Lourve in France.  Thanks to Ka Totoy Talastas the museum’s chief curator who encouraged the Philippine government to acquire and purchase all these pieces from those impoverished and penniless countries that previously owns it.

When the car reached Sitio Magdalena and when I was about to alight the limousine in front of my 168-storey building… I woke up from this tremendous dream.

Ayun! Nagising ako.  Oras na para mamalansta! Hahaha!