Kulangot Monologue

Kulangot.  Let me say it again, ku…la…ngot…  Kulangot is a byproduct of mucus.  It’s a dried-up snot otherwise known as booger in English.  It is like a wild exotic fruit that needs some time before it can be appropriately harvested.  It needs time to grow and cultivate in an appropriate size so that it will be easy for picking.

If my kulangot was an event in the Philippine history what would it be? It would be the inhabitation of man inside the Tabon cave last 22,000 B.C.

What I like about my kulangot are the many functions that it serves for my body.  But what I don’t like about my kulangot are the many functions it serves for my body. It’s like a two way street with only one lane.

If my kulangot was an astronomical body floating into space, what would it be?  It would be a gentle sloping molten meteor covered in snow, pure and pristine yet cold and unwelcoming. Or a humongous asteroid that shoots down to earth and kills an entire continent.

In a dating game arena, my gentle and loving booger though very clingy is constantly in the playing-hard-to-get field.  It’s like a porcupine whose quills stand up on end when on the defense of being picked up.

If my booger was a movie, what would it be?  It would be The Blob or Escape From Alcatraz or King Kong.  If my kulangot was a famous movie line, what would it be?  It would be the line uttered by Maximus Decimus Meridius in the movie Gladiator… “I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.”

Boogers can be squishy and slimy or tough and crumbly. Everybody gets them, so they’re not a big deal. In fact, boogers are a sign that your nose is working the way it should!

May tadyak, batok at sapak ang nagsasabing di sya kinukulangot.

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