Torso-Splitting Thought

Airfares nowadays are as high as how the airplanes fly.  Aside from visa restrictions by a lot of nations, Filipinos are not that fortunate like other citizens to travel around due to high cost of airfares.

But one unique Filipino breed has yet to be discovered that will enable Pinoys to travel around the world at a very cheap price.  This is through the use of its own monsters called manananggal.

Only in the Philippines would you find and heard of a monster/creature that has the ability to fly.  Our remote rural areas are believed to house large populations of aswang – viscera-eating creatures with bad hairday.  One popular form of aswang is the mananaggal – a creature who split in half, grows leathery wings, and leaves their lower torso and legs on the ground while upper half goes hunting for live human flesh.

Since manananggal have the power to fly, this would solve the pressing problem of air transfport, which our country undoubtedly have one.

The Philippine government must realize that manananggal has other uses other than terrorizing the citizenry and being a nemesis in a lot of Pinoy-made movies.

A few months back, Fedex closed its operation in the Philippines to transfer to cheap and lower cost China resulting to the rising statistics of unemployed Pinoys.  This therefore is the opportunity for jobless Pinoys with manananggal genes to venture into air freight delivery service.

Banks can utilize the service of manananggal to safely transport their cash and other treasures from their branches going to their main office.  Transporting of these treasures by helicopter obviously means a lot of costs for the bank while via land transportation, the treasure is so exposed to bad elements lurking around the streets like holduppers and other more organized crooks.  Manananggal could also deter these bad elements for they could simply terrorize or eat them when they’ve gone hungry during their flight.  Eating the crooks could be considered an additional perk for dear manananggals.  They will surely deserve additional perks after a long tiring flight.  This is what you call a win-win situation.

The Philippines unlike other countries is composed of scattered islands and islets separated by seas.  Thus, transporting of goods and people are commonly done by sea vessels.  However, the Philippines at present holds the record for having the worst sea tragedy.  But through the service of manananggal, the country can prevent sea tragedies for these monsters can transport goods and people safely from one island to another.

When all these are found to be effective and successful, then, it would be more than appropriate to go international.  I’m sure international airlines would have big problems competing with the manananggal.

It’s safer, it’s cheaper, it’s cost effective and its even earth-friendly since these monsters need not use fossil fuels to fly.

If all these will be successful, this would be the start for Pinoy’s world domination.  I’m pretty sure all countries would allow Pinoys’ entry in their country without visa.  Otherwise, people of other nations who deny Pinoys’ entry in their country will simply become prey and dinner for these useful monsters.

One drawback though is the tendency for the manananggal to eat the passengers.  Nevertheless, a solution has been established.  Thanks to the movie “Twilight”.  The movie has instituted that monsters can turn to other living creatures other than human beings as their fresh meal.  Thus, as part of manananggals’ training is a required viewing of the movie before venturing into these scheme.

The coconut agriculture industry will also flourish if all these has come to realization and has been very successful.  It is believed that manananggal would bathe and massage their body with lana (virgin coconut oil) before they grow wings and their upper torso separates with the lower one.  At least, the oil they use are still organic and not the soon to be depleted fossil fuels.

So, to all manananggal, I suggest that you come out in the open and forward this proposal to Congress.  Its your time to shine and be recognized.  The country needs you now more than ever!

Go! Go! Go! Arghhh!

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