To His Royal Highness who sits on the Chrysanthemum Throne,

Good morning.

Let me take the pleasure of sending you a word and your imperial army that the most delicious earthling is due to arrive in your splendid land and noble empire anytime soon.  In so doing, your gracious directive and decree is hereby in order which your dwellers have to ensure:

First requirement: Ensure that the delicate flowers that signify the welcome of spring season in your dynasty will be in its full bloom.  The delicious earthling would like to witness this incredible phenomenon.

Second requirement: Your land being at the zone of the planet’s ring of fire must ensure that no tectonic-shaking circumstance must take place at any time during the length of stay of the delicious earthling.  The delicious visitor hates the feeling of disequilibrium and whirling sensation.

Last and final requirement: Your kingdom is known to have preposterous fees and sky-rocketing prices.  The delicious earthling plans to trade his wealth and richness with your abundant commercialized treasures.  In other words, he plans to go on shopping!  Therefore, ensure to assess and lower down the financial value of your land’s commodities during the delicious earthling’s stay.  Otherwise, the delicious earthling will carry with him tons of Ma-Ling (canned luncheon meat) and large boxes of ensaymada (sugar-sprinkled buttered pastry bread).

Your Comrade in Wealth,

The Delicious Earthling

Dahil malamig dun, magbabaon din ako ng Kopiko tri-in-wan copi.